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Liberating Motherhood

Liberating Motherhood

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Mothers are tired of anti-mother misogyny, household labor inequality, and a culture that expects mothers to bear the burdens of its many shortcomings--all without complaint. Mothers are vital to feminism, and have been neglected in feminist discourse for far too long. Mothers are constantly told that political problems are personal--that if we communicate better, mother better, behave better, things will improve. The only path to change is through widespread political change. That's what th ...
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Childbirth is an incredibly powerful rite of passage. The literal creation of life could be a source of empowerment, no matter how any individual person chooses to do it. Instead, patriarchy weaponizes birth as a tool of trauma and oppression that steadily normalizes the dehumanization of motherhood. My transition to motherhood included a massive f…
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LC DeShay is a reproductive justice sociologist, as well as a doula and lactation consultant who has worked on the front lines of women and children’s health. I brought them on as a witness, as someone who has seen what we do to women at their most vulnerable moments. I wanted to talk specifically about the male loneliness epidemic, and how it is w…
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Violence and abuse are normalized in every aspect of our culture, and particularly in parenting. No wonder so many women tell me they didn’t recognize abuse until it was too late. Authoritarian parents set their children up for abusive relationships, and they damage their kids’ self-esteem and emotional intelligence in the process. Whether you call…
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This month, I’ve been inundated with messages from folks who love the new pace of podcasts—weekly instead of every other week. I love making the podcast and love giving you what you want, but the podcast is a ton of work, and it underperforms in the algorithm. My data show that people listen to the podcast, but they don’t otherwise engage after or …
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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a public intellectual who also happens to be a woman. The constant criticism feels like a crushing weight that no amount of therapy, resilience, or blocking can render manageable. Philosopher Kate Manne has long argued that the abuse patriarchy hurls at women is a policing mechanism designed…
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The devaluation of fatness in patriarchy is no accident—and it’s not about health. Patriarchy convinces every woman she’s fat, or at risk of becoming fat, and forces us to spend our lives thinking about our bodies instead of the things that truly matter most to us. As we’ve seen over and over again, a woman who hates herself is more vulnerable to a…
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“Hope is a muscle.” — Marlene Gerber Fried Marlene Gerber Fried has been a leading reproductive justice and choice activist for decades. She’s seen and survived times of both hopelessness and triumph. She partners often with women of color, especially Loretta Ross, and her expansive vision of what a better world might look like feels like exactly w…
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Discovering Soraya Chemaly’s work on women’s anger was a revelation for me. I was finally able to claim my own anger, rather than dismiss it as juvenile and embarrassing. We must be able to claim our anger, because we have plenty to be angry about. I was so thrilled to get to interview Soraya, and I think you will love her if you’re not already fam…
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Lawyers have always been on the frontlines of the fight for social justice. Nearly every enshrined right women have is thanks to a lawsuit. Fatima Goss Graves is an attorney and expert in using the law for good. I’ve followed her work since the days of Time’s Up, and literally squealed when her team reached out to me about appearing on the podcast.…
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Do I have men? Should you? Yes. No. Maybe. Misogynist men love to weaponize false claims of misandry against women. In fact, one of the clearest signs that a man is a misogynist is that he thinks misandry is real, common, and a threat. Jeff and I have wanted to talk about bogus claims of misandry for a long time. Here’s the result. Some of the many…
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Statistically, dating men in a patriarchy remains the most dangerous thing a woman can do. Patriarchy is deeply committed to shepherding us into romantic relationships because of the control these relationships exert—and because patriarchy wants to give every man a woman-appliance. This does not change the reality that many women want relationships…
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“We are allowed to have a good life while giving our children good lives.” — Ruthie Ackerman In patriarchy, there’s no way to get motherhood right. No matter what you do, someone will always gleefully tell you it’s wrong—and then use this shame to attempt to shrink you. Patriarchy wants to convince women that the challenges of motherhood are person…
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“We need to figure out how to create political, social solidarity that is not reliant on some sort of fantasy that they have to see us, hear us, etc. That idea that we need to be in perfect harmony to work together is not going to happen. It’s a fool’s errand, a waste of time and energy. That doesn’t mean you can’t work with somebody…There’s so muc…
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Misogyny isn’t really about hating women. After all, if pure hate explained everything, wouldn’t that mean that only mean men abuse women, and that misogynists never seek relationships with women? Men are able to mistreat women they claim to love because of the internal logic of misogyny. They’re not irrational or unhinged; they’re following a set …
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Women are angry, and rightfully so. Yet everywhere we go, men tell us we are too angry, and that if we were just nicer about our oppression, they’d knock if off. Anger, though, is key to women’s liberation. Writer Gemma Hartley is here to tell us why. About Gemma Hartley (and where to find her) Gemma Hartley is a freelance writer with a BA in writi…
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“We depoliticize distress by locating it in the individual.” — Naomi Fisher Naomi Fisher helped me become a better mother without ever even meeting me. I stumbled across her work when one of my children was dealing with school anxiety. Doing so empowered me to take my child’s distress seriously and trust my instincts as a mother. In this podcast ep…
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The silencing and targeting of mothers is a deliberate act of damaging the next generation and attacking women. When we rob mothers of their power, we slow the process of human liberation. Beth Berry is a coach, mentor, and seasoned mother and activist who works with mothers to access their power so they can be changemakers. In this podcast episode…
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“I think about and write about this all the time, and yet I still think there’s something wrong with me that it’s so hard for me. It’s so hard to separate what we’ve been told…from the truth, which is that it’s not us.” — Mary Catherine Starr Patriarchy tells everyone motherhood is easy, and demands that mothers perform ease. The pressure to do thi…
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The Patriarchal Playbook is my term for the set of canned responses, expectations, and norms men follow without thinking. This concept helps clarify why the behavior of sexist men is both predictable and often nonsensical. In this episode, Jeff and I discuss how that playbook damages heterosexual relationships and limits women’s options. We also go…
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The Trump presidency presents parents with a host of challenges. How do we help our kids feel safe while educating them about oppression? How can white parents inspire their kids to be accomplices standing with the most vulnerable? How can we help kids assess the risk this presidency poses to them and act accordingly? And perhaps most importantly, …
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“What we see is that men do not view us as full humans, as people who can have and make choices.”—Kate Anthony Welcome back! This is the first episode of Season 2 of the Liberating Motherhood podcast. I hope you’ll follow and/or subscribe, because I have some truly amazing guests lined up for this season. Women initiate the overwhelming majority of…
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Family court can be a brutal experience for women, especially those who have experienced abuse, neglect, and violence. While the standards in family courts seem neutral, gender bias has infiltrated every corner of our world, especially our highly conservative court system. Women face an uphill battle, a bias in favor of believing men, and a culture…
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Content warning: This podcast extensively discusses all forms of intimate partner violence, some child abuse, and briefly discusses the death of a child, but not in graphic detail. Intimate partner violence is much more than physical violence. Every physically violent perpetrator was, for a time, not physically violent. The emotionally abusive, deg…
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Zawn and Jeff discuss why being a “nice guy” is a red flag, not a green one, why men who abuse women commonly claim to have been victims of abuse, and whether men ever deserve the benefit of the doubt. See some of my previous work on nice guys here: Signs your 'nice guy' isn't actually a nice guy The myth of the bumbling nice guy…
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Desiree Stephens is an incredible racial justice and decolonization activist. I originally wanted to discuss with her the role of rest and pleasure in activism, but as is so often the case in conversations with Desiree, we ended up covering so much more ground. Desiree frames so many things in ways I’ve never heard them framed before. She can be qu…
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Sexual coercion in marriage is widespread and normalized. In roughly half of marriages, this coercion escalates to abuse. Men dismiss women as less sexual, and insist that women should therefore cater to men’s needs. The data suggest otherwise. Women avoid sex with men because men do not offer them sex that is worth having—and because they create a…
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Bringing life into the world should be a source of immense power--and often, it is. But in a patriarchy, we endeavor to destroy women's power. This is why patriarchy has turned childbirth into a dangerous, traumatic nightmare. Learn about the state of childbirth, and what you can do to push back--and why it's a partner's obligation to protect and s…
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