299: Vulnerability Can Spice Up A Boring Marriage

Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy

Couples who find themselves stuck in the boring and mundane are often couples who have failed to be vulnerable.

George uses a three-road analogy to explain why some couples remain in mediocracy. The High Road—the road of great energy, great sex, vacations, and excitement.

The Middle Road—the grind of everyday life. It’s doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, and cooking dinner.

The Low Road—relationship depth. It’s diving into deep conversations, sharing, and vulnerability.

Failure in vulnerability reinforces our opposition to vulnerability and keeps us from exploring the Low Road. We perceive failure when we share with our partners, and they react by trying to fix us (yellow zone), blame us (yellow zone), or shutting down and saying nothing (red zone). Vulnerability contains a sense of danger.

When someone is vulnerable, it's important to understand that they are already in the yellow zone. Every couple must face the dilemma of addressing vulnerability. When our fears and triggers arise, if we draw closer to our partners and see beyond our triggers, we can rebalance our relationships.

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