I like a little pain – Joy

Good Girls Talk About Sex

Joy talks about taboo territory like incest porn, being HSV-2 positive, and trying out “water sports.” She has early memories of non-consensual experiences, which led to weak boundaries and a tendency towards dissociation and passivity. A hysterectomy and genital changes further changed her body and libido. She’s always enjoyed masturbation and has been unpartnered for some time; she’s ready to explore again.

Joy is a 44-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as white, monogamous, bisexual. She is post-menopausal and has had ovarian cancer and a full hysterectomy. She describes her body as pear-shaped and wears hearing aids.

Bookmark moments:

• 2:28 - Joy shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, cuddling with a pillow between her legs and then starting a relationship with her bathtub.
• 6:09 - Joy lost her virginity at age 14; she considers herself to have given consent but she also knows she dissociated, and remembers staring at a blooming tree out the window. There were indications of earlier trauma.
• 9:56 - She talks about a girlfriend she sometimes fooled around with, and a series of physical interactions in which she was not fully present and struggled with boundaries.
• 15:58 - Joy comes out to her father as bisexual.
• 18:42 - She finally experiences pleasure with a sort of friend who offers benefits. She feels passive at the beginning, but then she starts to really enjoy the sex.
• 23:36 - The relationship ends, and she has a few hookups. Unfortunately, she contracts herpes after one exchange. She opens up about how she managed it in subsequent relationships; she has both disclosed her status, and not disclosed her status. It’s a hard conversation.
• 32:57 - Her most recent past relationship was pretty vanilla. The longer one before involved some kink exploration, including “water sports.”
• 36:23 - She has a long-distance relationship with an older man; it doesn’t end well. There hasn’t been anyone since, just frequent masturbation. She’d been content alone until listening to the podcast and starting to wonder.
• 40:35 - Joy went through ovarian cancer a few years ago and she had to have a full hysterectomy. She talks about how it has impacted her body. One of the things she experienced was genital restructuring. Her orgasms and arousal have changed.
• 52:00 - They talk about how to be more present in one’s body.

The Lowdown: Joy answers questions about sex on her period, number of partners, favorite toy, favorite position, initiating, breast play, clit stimulation vs penetration, orgasming, faking it, solo vs partnered, kinds of touch, hard red lines, dirty talk, porn, incest porn, hair vs bare, three-ways, blowjobs, swallowing, receiving oral, taste and smell, ass play, kink, dirty talk, favorite body part, least favorite body part, unmet desires, and old beliefs.

Resources:

Sensational Body Scan - https://www.leahcarey.com/downloads/sensational-body-scan/

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EPISODE CREDITS:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email) Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco

Transcript creation – Jan Acielo Music – Nazar Rybak