257. I was pondering on the baguazhang path to Taoist immortality, when…

The Way through Baguazhang - 八卦掌道

Recently at work, while it just so happened that I was pondering on the baguazhang path to Taoist Immortality, I got asked by a coworker what type of martial art do I do? It had been a difficult night of standing at the front door requesting for the 200th time for an adult customer’s Covid vaccination passport. Most customers are really good about it and we try to fold the rules in such a way so that everybody wins, including the government regulators. But every now and then, there will come a customer who will deliberately try their luck and they discover that they can’t come in. And it is my job to convey it to them as nicely as possible. So when I got asked what my martial art was called, I kind of loudly replied that it was called The Art of Bitch Slapping! We both had a chuckle at that one like Austin Powers purring on the revolving bed: Oh behave Baby! Anyway, after the laughter had died down, I told him that it was actually called ‘Baguazhang’. “What’s that?” He asked. He genuinely didn’t know – he’d never heard of it. And so I proceeded to explain that we are the crazy fuckers who walk around in circles as our main kung fu thing. “Walk in circles?” He asked. And just like that without thinking I did a single palm change and walked the circle. And then, we were back to checking vaccine passports. I must say that the shop Lino tiles felt rather nice on the sliding footwork compared to the grippy outdoor tiles that I usually train on. It also felt really good to get a quick reality on how rare the style of baguazhang still is. Social media and the internet is really good at tweaking the numbers so that it appears to us that we are well known and popular. But I have heard time and again from martial schools and shifus on the lack of bite for it. But that’s just it: Most of us who picked it up and love it, is partially because it is so rare. We take it for granted because of what’s out there in popular culture, that people will know. But it just isn’t so. Just because the internet is flooded with porn, it does not mean everybody has joined the local swingers club or even know what it is. And don’t rely on the Chinese numbers for proof. Their government institutions will say millions practice an internal martial art like Tai Chi or Qigong, but when the facts from the practicing Taoists are brought in, reality shows a more realistic figure of around fifty thousand. So if you are feeling lonely, there’s your answer. And if you don’t feel lonely, these numbers also give clarity on why, at any given time, there are so few Taoist Immortals…