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When I say have a gentle day what does that mean? How does a dog wear pants? What does being kind to yourself and your cognitive needs actually entail? For me it’s been a lot of tiny things that I am never quite convinced is real or will make a difference. Also, how being tired makes me feel like I’m under attack and how that unfolds.…
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This is about conversation and audience. Media platforms (RIP Buzzfeed and Twitter) as well as safe spaces to create story and work out individual truths. It’s also about banned books, how it feels to have banned books. Plus, how AI storytelling technologies are not it. Plus, the director Joanna Hogg and the feeling of unwritten dialogue.…
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My memories are coming back. They’re not chronological and they don’t feel profound but as there’s been more healing and thawing and the fear is lessening, glimpses of my adolescence are returning. I’m remembering what it was to be inside a body I hated in a family I loathed and being totally petrified and overwhelmed and I am so grateful! It’s alm…
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You ever have total semantic satiation around words like depression or anxiety? How I define the terms so I actually know when they show up in my body and my thoughts. When I’m convinced everyone is mad at me and that’s why I can’t make a decision? Depression. When I stop chewing, talking, clenching, smoking long enough for my teeth to chatter? Anx…
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Do you ever cry and then sort of watch yourself cry and don’t believe yourself? Like, it doesn’t make sense that you’re still feeling some type of way about a thing or else that you can’t possibly be feeling so awful about the one super obvious thing because that means you’re textbook and also possibly boring or unhygienic or mentally unwell or tir…
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This one is about the utility of feelings. And how feeling feelings can seem so pointless and how ripped off I felt yesterday about recovery and healing and therapy when all the work can still lead to depression and despair. I only want to feel feelings if it leads to healing or “better creative work” and maybe that mindfulness is the recovery. And…
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This is about optics and allyship. And this instinct to create a moral issue out of actions. It’s about virtue signaling and authenticity and how you are the only one who knows the tone with which you’re doing things. This is about how I am surprised at my own discomfort, shame and fear around acts of dissent. This is also for people who can’t prot…
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Does good news around your career immediately make you panic and feel wretched despite also being aware that you better feel grateful because how dare you? This is about how professional anxiety and how imposter syndrome is universal but also a weirdly egocentric tact to take. Maybe people don’t expect you to RULE at something you’ve never done bef…
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