What happened to me and how in the world did I end up here? This is... Never Was. Hosted by Mark Salomon.
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Heretic Party is a funny, awkward, and sometimes scary audio program hosted by two dorks who grew up into religious leadership, then grew out of religion. Put your childhood traumas to bed and join the post-religious as we listen to stories about the wacky shit we all went through. Together we can begin to expose the ways in which religion is twisted up inside our culture, politics, education, and media. Episodes are released every other Sunday
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A Blast for You and a Blasphemy: a B-Movie with Horror Fashion Review
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In this episode, Grace from Horror Fashion Review joins us to watch a hilariously sacrilegious film about assassin nuns! Sister Wrath (aka Nun of That) is a wacky (and sometimes problematic) 2008 indie film with all the stuff you love: gay nuns fighting Italian gangsters with bad accents, straight nuns fighting Jewish assassins, and bisexual nuns c…
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Ancient Episcop-aliens - Searching for UFO Diablos
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In this episode, the dudes watch an episode of Ancient Aliens: The Satan Conspiracy. Was Lucifer an Alien from outer space? Who taught humanity about cool shit like fiber optics, air fryers, and BDSM? Have we been lied to about the Devil this whole time?.. Spoiler Alert: Yes, but not by these "experts"... THEY'RE JUST ASKING QUESTIONS! Also in this…
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Conan the Barbari-Karen: Watching the Christian-Edited Version of a Classic
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In this MEGA, DOUBLE_LENGTH EPISODE, the gang watches the "edited for Christians" version of Conan the Barbarian (1982) to find out what exactly they need to cut from a classic sword-and-sorcerer film to make it acceptable for their snowflake eyes. Spoiler Alert: They cut the swords and the sorcerers.. and also the blood, sex, violence... y'know...…
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Happy Lost Souls - Interviews with the Ex-Religious
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In this episode, Christian and Lianne make due with Joe while he recovers from a "honeymoon injury". It's three interviews with ex-religious folks who have some beautiful, uplifting stories about their experiences leaving religion. Spoiler Alert: They get kinda fucked up because... "something something" the church sucks. Also in this episode: Is ho…
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Choose Your Own Salvation - Part 2
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It's the exciting conclusion of the gang's roleplaying exploration of the 1970's Christian church movement. Will Jimi and Danny Hussein O'Trejo figure out what they've gotten themselves into? Will "Christian Woodstock" change the world? Will anyone actually earn a Crossley this episode?! Also in this episode: More references to the Power Team Drug-…
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In this two-part episode, the gang roleplays their way through the origins of a major religious movement. Which one? Sorry, no Spoiler Alerts this time! Even Joe and Lianne won't know unless they can uncover all the clues. Play along with us as we wade through a steamy pile of 1960's bullshit for your pleasure. (Part 2 releases in 1 day!) Also in t…
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Let's be Frank... Are you Ready for Peretti?...
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In this episode, Lianne shares a relic from her uber-Christian childhood.. A book by best-selling Christian author, Frank Peretti. Spoiler Alert: It's better than expected, but like most religious media, it can't help but be annoying. Also in this episode: Which Christian author did "Christian" meet at a church? (it's Peretti) Find out when it's ok…
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An Interview with Jeff Bellew - Nothing Rhymes with Stavesacre
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In this episode Joe and Christian hang out with Jeff Bellew, famed guitarist of The Crucified, and Stavesacre. What was it like to be in a world-renowned "Christian band"? Or was it a band of Christians?... Or maybe just some kids who loved rock and roll? Jeff shares some rad stories about his experience in and out of the church. Also in this ep: J…
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Feelin' Randi - Hanging with the World's Most Honest Liar
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In this ep, we decided.. enough anger! Let's get silly and introduce everyone to our favorite magician, skeptic, and wizard... The Amazing James Randi. Spoiler Alert: We only get serious once or twice or five times. Also in this ep: A game about Christian Dating Tropes! Find out which host almost vacuumed naked in front of a Navy Seal. Find out whi…
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In this ep, we finally dig up the secrets of the universe and learn all about the young-earth creationist theories that the liberals won't let you learn about in public school! Spoiler Alert: It's so bonkers that you need to evolve a new brain that can imagine how Noah go all of those baby dinosaurs on the ark. Also in this ep: Christian tells an e…
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Turmoil 2 - Electric Douche-aloo
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Joe and Christian return to the to demonic toybox to see what the jackasses at The Eagle's Nest Christian ministry have to say about rad 80's toys. Spoiler Alert: They're still full of alarmist nonsense, but this time we start to see the connections between the Satanic Panic and modern, religious bigotry. Also in this ep: Joe has to face the possib…
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BONUS - Crossover with Count Kreepyhead Saturday Morning Monster Mash
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Bonus episode: Lianne and Christian join toy-collector, Mike from Count Kreepyhead's Saturday Morning Monster Mash pod to talk toys, religion, and raising kids in a mixed-spiritual family. Check out Count Kreepyhead podcast! JOIN OUR PATREON LINKTREE Chat with Christian on INSTAGRAM Tweet it up with Lianne on our TWITTER Email us your thoughts, ide…
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Nefarious P.O.S. - Christian Hollywood Horror
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Joe and Christian went to an actual movie theater to see the secret Christian Horror film, Nefarious, and they were even kinda sober! Spoiler Alert, the real horror was the 90 minutes of Christian propaganda. From the assholes who made God's Not Dead, we should have expected less. Was it scary at all? How did it earn the "R" rating? Which stars fro…
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Jack Chick in the Barrio - The Phenomenon of Ex-Gangleader turned Pastor
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In this episode, the heretic kids read a relatively new Christian comic from famous bigot and author, Jack T. Chick, "The Black Angel". Spoiler Alert! It's a pile of racist, anti-gang, pig shit. Spoiler Alert: It's a pile of racist, anti-gang, pig shit. Also in this Episode: Your favorite gay, beefcake missionaries, Jimmertim make a short but memor…
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7th Heathen - A Script and Lack of Self Respect
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In this Lost Episode of from Season 1 of the podcast, Joe and Christian discuss a very special episode of hit WB show, 7th Heaven. Will the Camden household survive after Happy, the dog is spotted with a marijuana cigarette? Which parent confesses that they smoked pot in high school? Will new boyfriend, Rod, every get his sperm count high enough to…
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Lettuce Pray - Veggietales and the Plague of Progressive Christians
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It had to happen eventually. This week, Christian and Joe tackle the uber-famous Christian kids' show, VeggieTales. Are the songs actually any good? Were the creators actual con artists? Were Bob and Larry trans-vegetables? Who fucking knows?! Spoiler Alert: The creators of VeggieTales are probably too busy being Christian Edge-Lords to answer your…
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Annoyed at the Anointed - Christian Superheroes and Kingdom Comics
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Christian and Joe get into Issue #1 of the Anointed 7, a comic about God's elite fighting force elected to defeat the Anti-Christ... -Will it have cyborgs and drugs? Yes it will! -Will it have pious Christians being persecuted and exterminated just for their beliefs?! Oh, you know it's gonna have all that! -Will it have half-cat mutants and pegasi?…
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For His Glory (hell) Hole - Hell House Ministries and the Assholes Who Make Them
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In this very difficult ep, Christian and Joe try to make sense of the scariest of scare-tactic ministries, Hell Houses... Spoiler Alert: the compassion-less losers who create them are the real horror. Also in this Ep - Christian got arrested for occultic overtones? (when he was a teen).. And the return of the game "Heaven Head's Up" SHOW NOTES FOR …
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The Halloween Loophole - Adventures in Odd, Christian Hallow-alternatives!
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The guys try to figure out why Christians are so afraid of the best holiday, tell stories about growing up without candy or cool costumes, and play a game about Christian Halloween-alternatives. Also in this ep: Christian trick-or-treats in his 30s. Joe goes to a religious party as a Cronenberg monster. And Christian gets angry.. big surprise. SHOW…
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Pray 2 Win - Shitty Gaming for Christian Kids
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Christian and Joe explore the online world of Steampunk Jesus and try to figure out why religious alternatives to cool stuff always sucks. Spoiler Alert: it's probably because they know Christians will buy it regardless... Also in this episode: -Super Noah's Ark 3d! -Which Christian gaming company paid $50,000 for the rights to Hellraiser? And -The…
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Swole-vation through Christ – The Power Team! Bodybuilders for Jesus
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Did you know that breaking a flaming concrete slab with your face means you love Jesus? The Power Team built a multimillion dollar empire doing just that. They needed those muscles to carry their giant bags of cash taken from the offering plates of churches around the country. Then they went bankrupt... In this week's episode, Christian and Joe rem…
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Parodies Nuts!.. Christian Hamilton and a conversation with Lorenzo Sariñana
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The guys expose their former churches for copyright violations, discuss the heavily litigated "Christian version" of Hamilton the Musical, and get the inside scoop on how theater productions are protected from rip offs. Also in this episode: Play along with the game: "Is This Christian Parody Song Real or Made Up?!" SHOW NOTES FOR THIS EPISODE LINK…
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Klean Khristian Komedy - An Interview with Comedian, Emma Arnold
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In this episode, Christian interviews stand-up comedian, Emma Arnold, about her experiences with "clean Christian comics." Joe and Christian watch a PureFlix Clean Comedy Special. Spoiler alert.. If it's "Christian".. it's gonna be racist and misogynistic. That's the punchline! SHOW NOTES FOR THIS EPISODE Check out Emma Arnold's site and catch her …
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Turds in the Toybox - Phil Phillips and the Occultic Overtones in children's toys
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In this episode, Christian and Joe go LIVE and watch the first few episodes of Turmoil in the Toybox, the documentary series that sparked Christian outrage over Satanic symbolism in Saturday Morning Cartoons. Which toys, cartoons, and appliances (yes, really) were banned from Christian homes? Which toy was so evil that Lianne's family burned it out…
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Pure Trash - An Evening with Malibu Dan and "Pure" Christian sitcoms
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In this episode, Christian and Joe discuss Malibu Dan, the Family Man, a Christian sitcom with a bizarre mix of low-budget Christian actors and famous guest stars like Eric Estrada, Robin Givens, Clint Howard, and John O'Hurley. Unfortunately, even the minor star-power of Antonio Sabado Jr can't save this green-screened bland-fest. Also in this epi…
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Mary-Jane & Joseph, the International Church of Cannabis, Denver
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This week's episode is all about the Devil's lettuce, Satan's celery, Lucifer's marijuana cigarette.. Joe and Christian discuss the religious arguments against weed, and they visit the International Church of Cannabis in Denver, Colorado. SHOW NOTES FOR THIS EPISODE LINKTREE Chat with Christian on INSTAGRAM Tweet it up with Lianne on our TWITTER Em…
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Abort the Right with @socialistlyawkward
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In this episode, Lianne interviews social media personality and activist, Lindsay @socialistlyawkward about leaving Mormonism, reproductive rights, motherhood, and a bunch of other issues that Christian and Joe aren’t equipped to discuss. It’s a hilarious and sometimes painful episode about the ways religion is used to control and subjugate women. …
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StuperBook... get it? - The bible app for kids
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In this episode, Christian and Joe do a deep dive on the popular Bible app for Christian kids, Superbook! Based on the 1980's TV show (rebooted in 2013) it's full of fun games (Serpent Smash), cool profiles of Bible characters (only mildly racist), and an avatar of a sad child who can teach you how to pray for Salvation! Anyway.. it sucks! Also in …
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Emily Davis and the Murder Police vs Carman and the Demon-Murdering Sheriff
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Christian and Joe take their first stab at the subject of Christian Music and discuss the disgusting classic music video for ‘Satan, Bite the Dust’ by the biggest Christian music star of the 90’s, Carman. Also hear an interview with Em of ‘Emily Davis and Murder Police’ who describes their musical journey from Christian worship leader to agnostic f…
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Martyr Porn - 2025:The World Enslaved by a Virus
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It is the year 2025: Since the outbreak of the Corona virus in 2020, the world has not been the same: A communist system with a single world government has been established, English has been chosen as the world language, contacts have been reduced to a minimum. Christianity has been banned completely… Does this sound chill as fuck? I’m this episode…
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Six Six Chicks - the Broken Cross, a comic by Jack Chick
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In this episode, Christian and Joe discuss the disturbing and objectively badass comics of renowned Christian bigot, Jack T. Chick. Unfortunately, a religion-inspired, anti-LGBTQ bill in the Idaho Senate casts a pall over the fun as it threatens open the prison doors for librarians and teachers who are just doing their fucking jobs! Join us as we d…
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BONUS - Easter Q&A with the handsome hosts!
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Christian and Joe couldn't decide what to do to celebrate Easter, so they chose NOTHING! Instead, they solicited questions from listeners and took the opportunity to overshare. It's an Easter miracle! Your questions died on Friday and were resurrected, reinterpreted, and returned to you in the form of poorly-worded answers. Praise Dog, the tomb of …
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Mormon Drunk with Chelsea Buttars
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An interview with exmo mixologist, Chelsea Buttars, who designed a cocktail specifically to be the first drink for an ex-mormon. Chelsea also talks baptisms, leaving the Mormon church, the guilt of drinking as a teenager, and a Mormon blessing (psychic-style prophecy) that convinced her that she would be crippled if she ever tried a drop of alcohol…
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Heaven Stuff with Lane Lamoreaux
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An interview about the afterlife with wildland firefighter, world-class paraglider, and survivor of 4 actual physical deaths, Lane Lamoreaux. Christian and Joe discuss the concept of heaven, and how it is used to pressure church members into living their lives as if only the afterlife matters. Also: Christian sex toys, which absurd religious news s…
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Adventures in Bigotry - Castles & Cauldrons, a radio drama by Focus on the Family
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In this continuation of episode 1, Christian and Joe talk through the radio program that Focus on the Family mailed to Christian when he was a child in response to his plea for help saving his friends from Satan over the game Dungeons & Dragons. SHOW NOTES FOR THIS EPISODE LINKTREE Chat with Christian on INSTAGRAM Tweet it up with Lianne on our TWI…
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Welcome to Heretic Party! In this first full episode, Joe and I play "Redemption", the Christian alternative to Magic the Gathering. We talk about Dungeons & Dragons and the ways that our churches scared us away from having fun with a harmless game. Christian tells the story of how he was so scared of hell that he hallucinated demons. SHOW NOTES FO…
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Welcome to the Heretic Party, a podcast for apostates! New episodes are released every other Sunday. Hosted by Christian Atley and Joe Blablazo. LINKTREE Chat with Christian on INSTAGRAM Tweet it up with Lianne on TWITTER Email us your thoughts, ideas, and condemnations at hereticparty@gmail.com Remember, Happy Lost Souls, your stories deserve to b…
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Greetings! Wait, whaaaaa? Just in time for the much-celebrated Twenty-SIX year anniversary of MxPX! Okay, so... obviously this is actually part deux of an episode we started last year, acknowledging 25 years of Left Coast Punk Rawk from the Bremertonians, which, though by a very circuitous route, I am happy to say is finally happening. Life is comp…
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Greetings! Back from the... nearly dead? Nope, just the very busy. Months ago I was able to talk to each member of the now-legendary Bremerton, WA punk rock trio MxPx and somewhere along the way the world got a little crazier than usual. I contemplated updating the intro to this episode but decided NOPE - we're gonna take advantage of this window a…
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Greetings! We're back again and we brought a friend! Five Iron Frenzy's very own Reese Roper is here y'all. We talk about the beginning, the end, the afterlife and... poop. Oh and, dearest Never Wases: Basic tracks for Stavesacre's upcoming album - made possible largely by YOU - are DONE. What does that have to do with podcasts? Well, as it turns o…
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Greetings! After a long break it's great to be back... and we hope you feel the same! This week we're gonna talk about Us. Us and Them. And some other stuff. Rhymes with Small o'Ticks. Ultimately, we're gonna talk about what is real - and we'll even provide links! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and... Peace on Earth, Good will toward humans. To fu…
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Greetings! Best remedy for a long overdue show? How about a long show?! That's right, Never Wases... got an hour and a half of pure aural bliss: Tonight we go back... WAY back. Like decades back. We are going to talk with a bonafide prodigy, the one and only Mr. Todd Stevens - aka, XL of XL and Death Before Dishonor. We're gonna talk afros, hot sau…
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Greetings! We return to our (somewhat) regularly scheduled programming with a very, very special guest! Once Upon a Time, there was a Girl Named... Leanor Inez Ortega Till! Nobody here named Jeff. Nope. That's right, Leanor of Five Iron Frenzy and The Fast Feeling joins us this week. We'll have us a little chat about this & that & everything else, …
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Greetings! Ever found yourself in a debate with an intelligent atheist that left you walking with a slight limp? Any chance said debate was recorded for posterity, so that future generations may witness your demise for time immemorial? Well... you are not alone! This week we discuss my (potentially?) disastrous debate on Bad Christian Joey Svendsen…
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Greetings! Welcome back Never Wases!! "Man makes the plans - and God laughs," right? Now where have we heard that before? Alas, through many a twist and turn, Never Was Podcast returns (for real... probably) and the legendary Riki Michele joins us. The following line was written and rewritten roughly 100 times, and since it never seems quite up to …
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Greetings! We are back with part 2 of my conversation with Randy Torres of NYVES and (formerly) Project 86 - and it's gonna get a little awkward. But don't worry Never Wases, we'll avoid the low hangin fruit. Mostly. Randy talks about the end of P86, the birth of NYVES and all sorts of other awesomeness. Enjoy!…
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Greetings! This week we return to traditional Never Was format: a two-part conversation with Randy Torres - doer of all sorts of amazing things, but most famously the original guitarist of Project 86. Randy and I talk life before, during & after Project and of course, all the good bits in between. Yep, we go NYVES to Water Socks. Yes, you read that…
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Greetings! The first ever Podcastrophe gets a much needed follow up - and how. We wade through the aftermath of what shall forever be known as" The Star Wars Incident" - and lo & behold, something beautiful rises from the ashes. Imagine that. If you haven't listened to episode 29 yet, definitely do that before proceeding - we've made it available a…
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Greetings! Notice anything weird around here? Does anything seem slightly different? Yes? Well, that's because something IS DIFFERENT! Welcome the very first Never Was Podcastrophe! I give the necessary details on the show, but suffice to say, this is the start of a new and improved Never Was for season 2 - we'll still have guests as often as possi…
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Greetings! Three old friends walk into a bar... well, two of them were smart enough to duck, the other one is writing this terrible joke. (Whatever- it wasn't even a bar anyway, it was some cheeky community office space thing) Yes, it's true, like a three-fold cord of grumpiness, Mike Lewis of Giving is Believing, Billy Power of Urban Achiever and …
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