Empathy is the New Love

A Rumor of Empathy with Lou Agosta

The idea is that what people really want more than anything else is to be gotten for who they are – i.e., people want empathy. You know how in the world of high fashion grey is the new black? Well, empathy is the new love.

My proposal is that love contains an empathic core in its stimulating and exciting aspects and that which is the “love sickness” part is due, well, to the struggle to unite affection and desire. In particular, that which is the “love sickness” is due to a breakdown in empathy.

The goal in love is to erase, at least temporarily, the boundary between the self and other. Merger of both mind and body with the other mind and body is the result. In contrast to love, empathy navigates or transgresses the boundary between self and other such that the integrity of the self and other are maintained. One has a vicarious experience of the other—but the difference and integrity of the self and other are maintained. So love emerges as a breakdown in empathy—from the perspective of too much or too little engagement with the other. It is love versus empathy. Yet in love, empathy,

This episode is a selection plus bonus material available as a blog post: http://louagosta.com/2021/02/13/empathy-is-the-new-love/

Art work credit: The Ecstacy of Saint Teresa: Sculpture in marble by Gian Lorenzo Bernini

(c) Lou Agosta, PhD and the Chicago Empathy Project

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