Jasper Mall (2020): Every Kiss Begins with Clay

Honestly? Hell Yeah

With the holidays swiftly approaching, have you thought about where you're going to buy gifts for your loved ones? You've probably got some things in an online shopping cart, plans to hit the local shops, or maybe you're making presents this year like a POOR PERSON (guilty as charged). Regardless, something tells us that few of you are clamoring to get to the mall like you may have in seasons passed, turning what we call "the mall industrial complex" on its head. In Jasper Mall, we visit a once beloved establishment that has all but been abandoned as it clings to the paltry scraps its few geriatric patrons are willing to spare at any of its 8 remaining stores. So ask your parents for some cash and a ride to the mall where you'll get a criminally crooked undercut at Master Cuts, buy some dusty fake funeral flowers at Robin's Nest, play dominoes in the empty food court, and not much more! And you might not be the horny teenager who once loved bird-doggin' chicks at the mall, but don't worry: it's mostly a place for patriotic senior citizens and Covid tests now! Tune in!