Studying Abroad, Family Dynamics, and Breaking Cultural Expectations with Kristina

IDK My BFF Jil with Jiliane Patriarca

The gem drop from Kristina: “You grow up thinking that what is expected of you is what you should expect of yourself…but the best thing we can do for ourselves is to break free from the expectations of others and discover our true passions and desires.”

In this episode, Jiliane and Kristina discuss their love for New York City, their experiences living abroad, and their deep connection to multiculturalism. Learn about the similarities in their immigrant family dynamics, cultural traits, and the challenges of meeting societal expectations while navigating their own aspirations.

Kristina Jaku is a Bronx-born New Yorker who has a deep-rooted connection to her hometown. Despite occasional attempts to leave, she always finds her way back to the vibrant pulse of the city.

From discussions on diverse upbringing, family dynamics, and cultural expectations, Jiliane and Kristina engage in a deep conversation about personal growth, breaking cultural expectations, the power of connection and vulnerability, and the search for identity and fulfillment beyond societal norms.

This episode touches on the following themes:

• Study Abroad Experiences and Cultural Awareness (08:03)

Jiliane and Kristina discuss their study-abroad experiences in Switzerland, Prague, and Sydney, respectively. They talk about the eye-opening lessons they learned about cultural diversity and the awareness people outside of the United States have about global events compared to Americans. They reflect on how growing up in a multicultural neighborhood in New York City influenced their appreciation for different cultures and shaped their ability to adapt and integrate into new environments.

• Seeking Identity and Finding Fulfillment (25:17)

Jiliane shares her journey of self-exploration and the process of questioning societal, cultural, and personal expectations that shaped her identity. She describes the importance of finding her own path and pursuing activities like painting as a means of self-expression and personal fulfillment. Jiliane also mentions her affinity for European culture and her desire to experience a different way of life, emphasizing the search for happiness and contentment beyond societal norms.

• Immigrant Family Dynamics and Expectations (27:30)

Jiliane and Kristina discuss the commonalities they observe in the experiences of their Filipino and Albanian immigrant families. They talk about the pressure to succeed academically and prioritize education. The conversation highlights the sacrifices made by immigrant parents and the drive to succeed in a new country.

• Cultural Traits and Diaspora (31:36)

The conversation delves into the cultural traits and dynamics within their respective communities. They mention the close-knit nature of the Albanian diaspora and their wariness of outsiders, which can be attributed to the historical context of political oppression and refugee experiences.

• Gender Roles and Expectations (40:14)

Jiliane and Kristina touch upon the differences in gender roles and expectations within their families and cultures. They reflect on the pressures and comparisons they felt growing up, with Jiliane experiencing expectations based on her sister's achievements, and Kristina navigating the complexities of being treated differently as a girl within an Eastern European cultural context.

• Personal Growth and Breaking Cultural Expectations (01:25:27)

Jiliane opens up about her personal journey of self-discovery and growth, particularly in relation to her relationships. She reflects on the challenges of breaking societal and cultural expectations, such as the stigma surrounding divorce in their immigrant communities. Jiliane emphasizes the importance of standing up for oneself and pursuing a life that aligns with personal aspirations, despite cultural pressures.

When we flip the script, Kristina asks Jiliane about:

What are you proudest of in your life? What pleases you? What are you looking for next?