171: Money, Honey

IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean

In our oversharing world where no topic feels off-limits, money remains one of the last and most perplexing taboos.

We need it to survive. The exchange of money allows us to feed and shelter ourselves and our families. You won’t see it, but it’s invisibly in the background of everything we own, every vacation we’ve taken, every moment of work, stress, joy, security…

And even though money’s our gateway for everything, essential or extravagant, we’re ashamed for wanting more of it. That’s weird, no?

Now, we’re all looking through a different lens, as I wrap-up this series on the four common excuses preventing you from making the money you want and deserve. For many people, our fourth and last featured excuse, “We don’t need the money,” has suddenly changed. Unless you’re an essential service, or in a profession directly related to resolving the health crisis, your job security may be under threat.

This week, we’re releasing the money shame and peeling away the layers to your apprehensions around making money. Get ready to let go of negative money energy and start placing proper value on what you have to offer.

You need it. You want it. You deserve it.

Go get it. Loud and proud.

What You’ll Learn in this Episode:

• Money skeletons from your childhood
• Objectively comparing yourself to others
• Greed-free reasons NOT to be happy with what you have
• What history ingrains in us about money & gender roles
• Why you’d never expect a free root canal

Listen to the Full Episode:

Is it time for you to take the lead and provide location-independent financial stability for your family? Do you feel an overwhelming desire to help others? Are you reevaluating everything from where you’ll live to how you’ll balance raising your children while maximizing your professional opportunities? Expat Coach Coalition lets you leverage your expertise to perform meaningful work in exchange for money earned through your 100% portable business. Win-win-win-win. Let this crisis be your breakthrough. Round 2 starts soon, so sign up right here.

“Before ECC, I was pretty stagnant. Now, I’m motivated and excited! I see so many people struggling through the stresses of expat life, and I’m so excited to offer a doorway to a new way of living.” – Erin Hartley Reyes

Featured on the Show:

• Thinking of joining the Expat Coach Coalition? Don’t hesitate to apply here.
• Book: Boundaries: How to draw the line in your head, heart and home by Jennie Miller and Victoria Lambert
• Episode 165: 5 Lies You Are Telling Yourself About Money
• Episode 168: Trial By Fire
• Episode 169: Isolation Zombification
• Episode 170: Time to Triumph
• Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC
• Facebook Group – Expats on Purpose

We’re delighted by our nomination to the global Top 25 Expat Podcasts!

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Full Episode Transcript:

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Hello, it is 7:00 am in New York, 1:00 pm in Johannesburg and 6:00 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to Expat Happy Hour. This is Sundae Schneider-Bean from www.sundaebean.com. I’m a solution oriented coach and intercultural strategist for individuals and organizations and I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed when living abroad and get you through any life transition.So think fast. What would you do with an extra hundred bucks?

Think about it. Whatever your currency is you’ve got in your head. What’s the first thing that comes to mind?

For me, it’s super nerdy. First thing that came to mind was, buy books. In an article in “Real Life,” they surveyed people and asked them what they would do with that kind of windfall.

The answers range from paying off debt, sharing with the family, treating yourself, investing in education, springing for something fitness-related, making your home nicer, putting it away for an emergency or even saving for take away on a night when you’re just too tired to cook.

So many good things. Think of what you could do with just a few extra bucks. Now I want you to imagine it if it were a thousand or even thousands a month. You could 10 times that impact. But you might find it hard to believe that when it comes to people considering whether they could run their own business or change what they’re doing already professionally. Many people I talked to resist it because they say, “You know, what? We don’t need the money.” Think of a family where one partner has the secure assignment abroad and the other is the accompanying partner. And the kids are in school and the corporation is paying for stuff for the organization is paying for stuff. And yes, it’s enough to live on with that one income.

And when I talk to these individuals about them doing more in their life. Because they come to me hungry for purpose and meaning and wondering how they can use their skill set. I hear from them, “You know what? I don’t know, we don’t need the money.”

But we just made a list of all these amazing things we could do with just a hundred bucks. Imagine if you were running a business where you can make thousands or even 10,000 a month. What you could do with that.

And if some of you are thinking, “Are you crazy? Whoever says that we don’t need the money?” I’ll tell you more about this episode. And we’re going to also talk about the situation where you do need the money. Because it is an interesting block that people use that isn’t true. It’s actually a mask for something else. And we’re going to dive into that.

But before we do, just in case you missed it, I want to remind you that April is Brain Food month. Because of all of this that’s going on right now at the time of recording with COVID-19. Together with the Expat Coach Coalition Pros we are putting on a month of brain food for your head, heart and soul on COVID-19 crisis management, inside Expats on Purpose, my private Facebook group. The theme is “Isolated apart and we’ll nourish each other together.” And I’m really excited because what’s happening is the members of Expat Coach Coalition are going to present to you learning snacks twice a week, all month. And it’s already started. So if you haven’t caught it join us inside the Facebook group, Expats on Purpose. You can get it in the show notes. So you too can benefit from the wisdom of the recent cohort of graduates from Expat Coach Coalition. Plus, we’re a community that gets you and we would love to have you.

So let’s dive in. This week is our fourth of the four part series on excuses that people use that actually hold them back from running their own business and making more money. And I know there are people out there right now who are wishing they already had a location independent business. Or you’re realizing that you need to boost the financial stability of the one you are already running.

So let’s recap the excuses because today’s grand finale is number four.

Number one was; “I’m not ready.” So if you’re thinking you’re not ready to start your own business or your skillset isn’t ready. Check out Episode 168 Trial by Fire.

Number two is; “No one will buy it.” If you believe, even though the thing that you would love to do is something that lights you up. If you think no one will buy it. Check out Episode 169 Isolation Zombification.

And number three is; “I don’t have time.” This is something many many people use as a guard. “I don’t have time.” Find out what you’re really guarding in Episode 170 Time to Triumph.

And today we are going to end this four-part series on the excuse; “We don’t need the money.”

I know some of you are still thinking, “Who says this?” But some of you have actually said this to me, so I’m going to go at it more deeper. We’re going to look at what that really means. Even if you’ve never said “We don’t need the money.” My hunch is that some of the things we’re going to talk about have been in your head. Because money is kind of like this dirty word, this taboo that no one talks about. I’ve done my own work on money crap. Believe me. I know, I work on it with my clients all the time. So it’s worth looking at because it could make you money.

So we’re going to dive into that. We’re going to start with “We don’t need the money” And we’ll probably end with “I need the money.” I have a little worry about that one as well. But if you want more you can always go to Episode 65 that I did with Amel Derraggi called “5 Lies You Are Telling Yourself About Money.” Where we go into a little bit more detail about this from Episode 65.

But today I want to look at you in the eyeballs. And we’re going to have a heart-to-heart about this idea of “We don’t need money.” So you’re like this person who has skills and talent and you do have something to contribute. You know you do because people ask you to do it, but you often do it for free. And maybe even you’ve gone to school for it or trained for it or practiced it at least for years. And when your friends have wine with you around the table and say, “Gosh you should do this. You should have a business.” You’re like, “No. No, it wouldn’t make any sense anyway, because we don’t really need the money.” What you’re really saying is you’ve got money shame. There’s so much shame around money.

And I’ve had it believe me, I’m not saying anything I haven’t felt myself. But you know that expression “Money is the root of all evil.” Have you ever thought that? Or did you grow up where people kind of gave this vibe of people who have a lot of money are greedy or not to be trusted. Or maybe it was more subtle like you should just be happy with what you have.

When I say this out loud, I even feel like something deep in my body. Almost like a betrayal inside when I say you should just be happy with what you have. Because my whole body goes, “Well, you should.” “You should, Sundae.” But when we look around money and we look at what we could do with just a hundred bucks. Why is there shame around what money enables in terms of supporting others in your community, employing others, enabling generosity, providing security for your family? Like whoa, why is there so much shame around money?

And maybe for you what’s coming up is what we talked about with excuse number two, in that episode. Is that “What I have to offer isn’t valuable enough. Denying that you actually add value to people’s lives through your skills, your time and your talent. Yuck who wants that? Who wants to not deny that what you do to serve others has no value? That is even ickier than money shame, I think. So these are the things when we say we don’t need the money or even if you’re saying “I need the money.” You might recognize these thoughts.

Money is something in our cells. All of that history and programming that’s gone around money impacts how we approach how we show up in the world. And part of my own growth personally and in my business has been around this concept of money. A huge amount of what I do with my business owners in Year of Transformation and in Expat Coach Coalition is helping people get around their money crap. And it could be something as sort of unexpected.

I was reading a book called “The Millionaire Mindset.” And in that book he asked, “When you grew up who had the money?” Who do you think had the money? When I grew up the people who had the money were the men. So there’s a subtle message. If you are a woman, if you’re a girl growing up in that context, that women or girls don’t hold the money. They don’t control the money.

So it’s actually deep down in our gender socialization, creating an energy of “It’s not my spear.” Even though you might be a super modern feminist. Is there something deep inside and embedded still which has that sense of “I don’t know if I can handle money.” Or “I’m not good with money.” Or “Who am I to have money?” This is where all that stuff comes in and the reason why it’s important, especially in a crisis situation like this. Those thoughts create all these weird emotions that pop up in our body.

And then those emotions consciously or not create the behaviors that we move on with and that creates impact in our life. That impacts our bank accounts, our flexibility, and our freedom.

I worked on some money stuff with one of my clients. And in one session we increased our Revenue by 25% because of the money crap she was carrying.

Another client I worked with in a simple WhatsApp exchange that was tied into money. She saved herself hundreds, if not thousands of dollars, with one tiny decision. As soon as she acknowledged the money-energy around it.

So doing the mindset stuff, as we were saying this entire series. There’s enough real life blocks going on right now. We don’t need to have the mental blocks.

So what can I do to serve? I can help you get rid of your mental blocks. Because the real life stuff, I can’t open borders, I can’t make airplanes go. But I can support you and help you remove the borders you’re creating in your mind around what you’re worth and how much you can earn.

Some of you might not have as much of that going on, but you’re doing this. I think it’s Martha Beck who calls it compare and despair. You’re looking at your partner’s salary or you know package or whatever. And you’re like, “Why bother, I’ll never make as much as my partner.” And here’s the thing. Is that helpful? Comparing what another separate individual from you makes and comparing whether those two things will come close to each other?

I mean, are you even comparing anything similar? Are you in the same industry? Are you doing the same jobs? Probably not. And since when does what your partner earns be connected to the value you place on your own services? How did you put that in your brain? How did you connect what your partner earns with the value you place on your services? They are separate but not in our heads.

So when you say, “We don’t need the money.” What you’re saying is, “I am not seeing myself and the value I can add with my services.” Because essentially when you offer a service or even when you sell something. All sales is, is the exchange of value. That’s it. It’s just an exchange of value. So when I go to get my teeth cleaned, I don’t think “Hey you creep. Why are you asking me for money? We just cleaned my teeth. You should be nice. You should do that for free.” No, I’m like “Thank you for the service, thank you for cleaning my teeth.”

You go to the school bake sale and you go to the table with brownies. And they charge a dollar or two dollars for it. “Thank you. Here’s the money. Thank you for my brownie.” That brownie has value. There is an exchange of value for services.

It’s so simple. But why when it comes to you and what you want to offer, what services you can add, do you suddenly feel like you shouldn’t charge for it? Why is what you have to offer suddenly devalued? Why is what you have to offer connected to what another separate individual, that happens to be legally connected to you and your family, have to do with what you’re offering?

You have talent, skills, experience. You might have even invested months to do it, years, even a decade. Maybe you’ve invested thousands, ten thousands or even hundred thousands to get it.

And at the same time you’re looking for more purpose to make an impact on people’s lives, but you’re wondering if you should be making money doing it. And for some of you who are listening, you’re like, “I don’t get it Sundae, who does this?” There’s a few of you who are going to be thinking that. But listen, I am so serious. The majority of people who are listening right now are going to be like, “Oops, yep, I do that, too.”

Why do we do that? How are we socialized to get here? It’s time to stop that. When does how much your financial needs being met get connected to the exchange of value you give? It’s not like dentists say “Well now that I’m earning $250,000 a year all my services should be free.” No, a root canal is a cost of a root canal end of discussion. Why would you do that for you?

There’s a lot of reasons. So we’ve talked about some of them already. But one of them, I have a hunch, is that deep down you’re afraid of rejection. Like not charging for something and doing it from your heart Is actually staying safe. Because if you stand in your power and you say “This is what I do, and this is how much it is.” People can accept it or reject it and that can feel scary.

And that’s what I mean about money crap. Comes up in ways we do not even see coming.

Or, you’re not afraid of rejection, but you’re afraid of the work. Because if you do something for someone and they’re paying you, you’ve got to show up and bring results. And that can feel like a lot of pressure.

So, I hope that some of these things have sort of pried open the lock on your money stuff. Just listen and just test which one lands and kind of feels like the truth. Are you kind of scared of being rejected? Afraid of the hard work? Question whether you’ve got enough talent or skill? Feel weird about asking for an exchange of value? Maybe comparing to other people? Or even kind of buying into the stuff we saw we were little kids? Or have shame around this thing called money that is such a taboo? If any of those resonate I’m grateful that you’ve listened this far. Because they are impacting you, they’re impacting what you can bring to your family.

And I want to encourage you to rethink money. What does it mean to you? What if instead of it being a dirty word or the root of all evil it is actually independence, generosity, empowerment, flexibility and choice. In these times of uncertainty who doesn’t want more of that?

What if money, instead of being some value laden and tied to socialisation and all this stuff, what if it was just energy? Something that it could afford you to do more and to be more of who you are. What if it was what could afford you to become what you’re hungry to become? What if money was just a way that you could serve others better, employ others, share money, pass it on.

So if you’ve ever thought when you look at your big picture of your finances, especially if you’re in a family where one person is earning the lion’s share. Have you ever thought, “We don’t need money.” You might be saying no to flexibility, to freedom or even the opportunity to be more generous.

And I know this is a hard message. Especially in times of uncertainty. There are people who are like, “Are you crazy? We need the money.” And there’s people who previously were comfortable in their finances and are now feeling a wobble. Maybe now your story is, “ Actually we need the money in case things change.” “We need the money in case I would like more independence.” “We need the money in case I want to serve differently.”

So if you need money, where are you putting your money where it’s going to get a return on your investment? Whether that is in hard fact numbers. Or in ways in which you serve. I’ve got an idea about that in a minute.

But before we go, I wanted to step back and look at the four excuses. We’ve looked at Episodes 168 to 171. I hope that you take these Episodes and allow them to sink in and catch you where you might be limiting yourself. Because as I said this entire series. There’s enough real hard limits right now, but we don’t need our own mental blocks. So how I’m trying to serve you in this time is to help you remove them. I hope that what you’re taking away is that you’re more ready than you give yourself credit for. That someone will buy your service or your product because what you can offer has value. And it’s your turn to see the value that you have to offer. And you do have time. You just might not be sending the boundaries that serve you or making yourself a priority.

And finally. Whether you need the money or not is not relevant. It’s about getting value in exchange for giving value. You have all of this. But what you’re running out of are excuses.

So I want to be by your side to help you break through these. So if you are a coach or someone serving expats. Then I really do invite you to apply for Expat Coach Coalition. Because this is just a taste of what we break through when we work together. And you know what? You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. You just have to get started . And that’s exactly what I’m here for.

Okay, so whatever time and energy you do have. Spend it in a way that makes you come out a better version of yourself. And if you are craving a more location independent business in the future. Or you’d love to maximize your talent and to be able to help expats get through the ups and downs, even crisis like this then please check it out because we would love to have you.

Right now, we are taking applications for Expat Coach Coalition. And to remind you, if you ever heard about it. It is a complete industry proven turnkey coaching solution for professionals serving expats. And the graduates of the inaugural class are in Expats on Purpose serving now. And I was so grateful to hear when they were asked about the program that they unanimously agreed that it exceeded their expectations.

So some of the things that you get when you are an Expat Coach Coalition.

Kim Adams from Family Preparedness says, “You’ll get sisterhood, clarity and practice. To anyone who’s considering doing it. I say do it. It’s a robust program from beginning to end and you won’t regret it.”

Anna who is a global mobility trainer said, “I joined to help me get a business off the ground that I’ve been talking about for over a decade. Now I have resources, more confidence to use them, plans, action, steps and the network of women that support me.”

I love that. I’d love you to be saying those things.

Hane from the Menopausal Expat. She says, “I knew I had it in me to start a business. Even my friends and husband tell me I look totally different, lighter and brighter. It’s quite profound. It’s really built my conviction that I can help others succeed.”

So check it out. If you want to boost your confidence, your revenue and your progress. I am here for you.

And on the other side, is waiting your freedom and flexibility.

So you’ve been listening to Expat Happy Hour with Sundae Bean. Thank you for listening.

I will leave you with the words of T harv Eker, a Canadian author and money mindset specialist. “It’s simple arithmetic; your income can grow only to the extent you do.”

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