199: The Client Prowl

IN TRANSIT with Sundae Bean

No matter the business type, regardless if it’s old or new, booming or struggling, there’s a universal, non-negotiable truth: your clients ARE your success.

Yet for such a vital function of any business, how to obtain customers is still shrouded in mystery; there’s almost a film of shame to the topic. Primarily based on the misconception that if you’re really good at what you do, customers will just bang down your door — like the internet rampage version of an electronics store on Black Friday. Sorry, not gonna happen.

I’m honored to have reached a professional place in my career where other entrepreneurs trust me to help them start and grow businesses they love. And by far – just like the rest of us – their most common challenge is, “Sundae, how do I find clients?”

You don’t find clients. They find you. And this week, I’ll show you how to zoom out to the big picture and change how you communicate across distances to signal your people.

What You’ll Learn in this Episode:

• Wolf packs howling at the moon
• Marie Forleo’s Know, Like, and Trust Factor
• Drop your guard to show your quirks and humanity
• Why coaching is an intimate business relationship
• How shared values are a dealmaker

Listen to the Full Episode

Featured on the Show:

If you’re a professional who’s passionate about working with expats, then we’re your wolf pack, and this is our howl. Apply right here, and join us in Expat Coach Coalition. Spots are limited, and the results are magnificent.

“You’ll get sisterhood, clarity, and practice. To anyone who’s considering joining, I say: Do it! This is a robust program from beginning to end, and you won’t regret it.” – Kim Adams, Family Preparedness

• For aspiring coaches or coaches who want to serve expats, don’t miss: Expat Coach Secrets.
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• Sundae’s Facebook Business Page – Sundae Schneider-Bean LLC
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Catch These podcasts:

• Expat Happy Hour EP 196: Not the entrepreneurial type – Listen now
• Expat Happy Hour EP 198: Visibility’s love/hate parallel – Listen now
• Expat Happy Hour EP 164: Edkids with Ettie Zilber – Listen now
• Expat Happy Hour EP 18: Chatting with my third culture kids – Listen now
• Expat Happy Hour EP 53: What friends and family really think about you living abroad – Listen now
• Expat Happy Hour EP 110: Grand Gestures – Listen now
• Expat Happy Hour EP 188: Purpose placebo – Listen now
• Expat Happy Hour EP 197: Dual-Career Couples – Listen now
• Expat Happy Hour EP 182: Impressionable Young Minds with Jasmine Cochran – Listen now
• Expat Happy Hour EP 146: Hidden hierarchies in international schools – Listen now
• Expat Happy Hour EP 150: Job hunter wasteland – Listen now
• Expat Happy Hour EP 136: Sad tagalong spouses – Listen now

We’re delighted by our nomination to the global Top 25 Expat Podcasts!

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Full Episode Transcript:

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Hello. It is 3:00 am in New York, 9:00 am in Johannesburg, and 2:00 pm in Bangkok. Welcome to the Expat Happy Hour. This is Sundae Schneider-Bean from www.sundaebean.com. I am a solution-orientated coach and intercultural strategist for individuals and organizations. I am on a mission to help you adapt and succeed when living abroad and get you through any life transition.

Brian Tracy serves us some wisdom by saying, “Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking what’s in it for me.” Welcome to week 4 of this special six-week behind the scenes series. If you have been with us since the beginning, you’ll recall episode 196, Not The Entrepreneurial Type, where I busted myths about what it really takes to be an entrepreneur. And actually how more people than you think can get fit for having their own business.

Episode 197, we called out the dangers of giving up your own thing to follow your partner abroad in, Dual-Career Couple. And offered some powerful conversations to have with your partner before you say, “Yes,” so that you can prevent resentment and trouble down the road.

This week, I’m answering what so many of you have asked me to share behind the scenes is, how do you find clients? Okay, we actually started to answer this question last week in episode 198, where I said how you can get started. Step One is, be visible. So check out episode 198, Visibility’s Love/Hate Parallel. It’s quite simple, first you allow yourself to be seen and you allow yourself to be present. But today my answer might surprise you when I answer, “How do you find clients?”

What I want to share with you today is you don’t find them, they find you. And I’m going to share more on what that has to do with consistency in episode 200 next week, but I’m going to give you some back story around this idea of having clients find you.

If you listened in back in episode 164, my third birthday party my BFF interviewed me. And she asked me about why I started Expat Happy Hour and I mentioned that it all started with a dream and it was with a wolf. And the principle is that if I howl, if I share my message, if I share my voice, “my people,” the ones who resonate with those messages, will find me and they’ll be my wolf pack. So, a little hangover reference for those of you who like Bradley Cooper as much as I do. So, let’s go to the technical side.

Okay, distraction, about wolves, okay. The National Geographic talks about wolves and they say scientists describe packs in terms of family units, okay. Wolves don’t actually howl at the moon, they howl to communicate with each other. And howling is the most direct way of communicating across long distances. Does this sound familiar? Right, those of us who live a globally mobile life, we are across distances and so me sharing my message is a direct way of communicating across long distances.

Wolves say it’s especially important for them when the wolf territories are vast, right. A howl can communicate things like a wolf’s location, warnings about predators and position of prey. So I’m not asking to be loud, right. Don’t mistake howling with “loud.”

My invitation to you when I say, “You don’t find them they find you,” is when you howl you communicate your location, that means where you stand on issues. You communicate warnings about predators, that means you communicate what are some challenges that are heading their way and they need to correct course so they don’t get stuck.

When you howl and you communicate your message the position of pray, that means, “Hey! get into the right location; go here so you can get what you’re craving.” So you don’t find your clients, they find you. If you howl, if you communicate directly across distances, right. Expat Happy Hour is my way to howl, to share with you what I stand for.

To warn you about things to avoid based on what I’ve seen in my own life, things I’ve seen with my clients and get you in the right location so you can get what you’re hungry for. And howling as I said, it doesn’t have to be loud, it’s simply using your voice. Wolves are designed to howl.

What is your life story? Your professional experience? Your work with your clients? How is your voice designed? Right? What are you designed to share? And that’s how that’s how I find clients, right. Expat Happy Hour is a big way to do that because people are clear on my position. I save them from their own predators, right.

Whether it’s their self-defeating talk, or their endurance mode and they’re heading to burn out, or they’re lost and they’re looking for purpose, right? And I help them get what they want. So if you’re listening and you’re a coach and you’d like to work with expats, this is how you can find clients or even if you’re not an expat coach. Maybe you’re someone who serves people who are in the globally mobile space. Maybe you have sort of a service profession, like you’re a therapist or a psychologist, or maybe you’re in the wellness industry, right? All of these things apply.

Maybe even have a product that serves people that helps make their life better or help solve a problem, right? This is really relevant and will help you get your voice out there and help your people find you, help your pack meet.

Okay, why is this so important? And now specifically, if you’re a coach or you support expats, this is super personal stuff that we deal with, right? Challenges that we have in our lives are by default complex and important. And if you’re doing something of service like coaching, it is an intimate relationship, right?

And there’s so many times the way I feel about my clients, I just can’t handle how much I care about them. I wish there was a unique word for that relationship, the coaching relationship because it’s not friendship, It’s not family, but it feels super close, but it’s still professional and it’s so connected, right? And when people have that level of connection with you and you with them, they want to be in connection with YOU.

They want to be in connection with you and not a company or firm, right? They want that human connection. So Marie Forleo, she is known for a business school that she helps people with, she calls it the Know, Like, and Trust Factor, and we’re going to break that down, what that means actually in this space.

And it’s really simple. Like they need to know you, that’s where the presence comes up, that’s what last week’s episode about visibility was important. They need to even be aware that you’re there but they actually need to know you, an aspect of you and they need to like you. And that doesn’t mean like, “like you” in your nice but there needs to be resonance or chemistry or alignment. You have to give them an opportunity to resonate with you or have chemistry or align with you. And then they have to trust you, right?

Do you have a track record of solving problems like they have. Are they going to get results. So, I know this sounds so basic, but honestly when I look at what other coaches are doing and what people are doing in this space, my hunch is that you’re overwhelmed by all the platforms that we feel like, I’m doing air quotes with my fingers right now, what you feel like you should be on. What am I going to say on Instagram? What am I going to say on Facebook? What am I going to say on my blog? What am I going to say on my podcast?

So we’re very focused on the channels and being present on those channels regularly, but we’re forgetting the big picture. We’re forgetting to zoom out. That the whole goal in that It’s this relationship building to have them know, like and trust you. And that’s what I mean, like, “Hey, do you want to be my pack? Do you resonate with the way I howl?” And that’s where the voice comes in.

And actually we, the ones who are sharing our blog, sharing our podcasts, who are who want people to know about our services, we have a lot of work to do so that someone will have that, will know us, will align with us and trust us. And we can’t be lazy. If you are telling me you want to find clients, you have to be willing to be mindful about all the work in thoughtfulness that goes in so that they’re ready to say “Yes” to you.

You have to give them a lot of yourself, thoughtfully, for them to be ready to engage in that kind of relationship, right? And I think sometimes we get distracted by “Uh, I have to get attention on social media. I need to post regularly,” and we’re completely losing sight of why? What is the purpose?

I was just having a conversation last night with someone who said “Hey, our company is going to establish presence in this new channel, what should our first post be?” And I’m like “Wait, that’s a great question. Like you should be asking that but before that, what’s the purpose of being on that channel? What are you trying to do?”

And the answer was to add value to their specific audience, so now we’re looking at different things. So I want you to think about how you can share your voice to call in your pack and they will come to you if they know you. If they like you and in terms of “resonate” with you, there’s chemistry and they align, and if they trust you. Otherwise, they’re going to go to somebody else’s pack and that’s okay and they should because we want them to feel safe. That we want them to belong.

So here are some things that I’m going to guide you now through three things, when we focus first on the knowing, the liking, and the trusting. And I’m going to give you some examples from my own work just to show you some ideas on how you might do this for you, right? Don’t be me, right. Don’t do what I do, do it for you, do it in your way, right? My intention is absolutely not to create mini-mes, one of me is definitely enough! It’s more about using these examples as inspiration on how you can do this for you in your voice, in your way for your pack.

All right, and to be honest, this is something that is very big picture that I hold. This isn’t like something where I’m like, “Today they need to know this and they need to like this and they need to trust that.” Absolutely not. This is an embodied way of loving on my people, right? This isn’t a strategy, this is how I want to show up for you and I’m offering that big picture broken down separately today, but you can see they’re all interconnected. So let’s just start with now.

Okay. They need to know you and they need to understand who they’re working with and that also means your personality, and maybe your quirks. And I know my own journey, I felt a lot of pressure in the beginning to like, “be very professional.” And I told you about my gray blazer, an episode or two ago. How I felt like I had to conform and show up in the way I thought you wanted me to show up. “You” meaning I don’t know, people who want to see professionals, corporate stuff.

And what I was actually hiding was my personality. And the ironic part is the people who actually managed to stay awake during that boring corporate side of me and got inside, and had coaching with me, got the full access to my personality. My laughter, my quirks etc. And that was a lot more fun than being on the outside with you know, this barrier of the gray blazer.

So one thing you can do to help people really know you is allow. Give yourself permission to drop your guard a little, while still being professional and let them in on your personality. Allow them to have a glimpse of some of your quirks. For those of you who have been following me, you know I can’t sing and you know I can’t cook, and I’m not hiding it. But it is also nice to know that I’m crap at some things and it makes people feel human and see the humanity of someone who’s showing it professionally, right?

I’ve also invited you into glimpses of my life while also trying to serve. So this was really fun to prepare for you. I put together a few podcasts that we’ve done which helped you see and know more about my life. So for those of you who’ve been listeners for a long time, you might remember episode 18 that featured my kids chatting with third culture kids.

At the time, my boys were four and eight and this was completely spontaneous and unplanned but I recorded it for us as a means of play. But it was so dang good, I’m like, “You know what? I’m actually going to produce this and share it as a real episode.” So here’s a glimpse of me with my boys.

“Sundae: Okay question number one. What are our rocks? That means when we travel from Burkina to Switzerland to South Africa, wherever we go, what are the things that stay the same when everything else changes?

8 year old: We’re always going to be still a family and our heart stays everywhere where we are.

Sundae: And you, you sweetheart. What do you think? What stays the same no matter what changes?

Four year old: The houses stay the same.

Sundae: Okay. All right. Well, we come back to the same house where we live, actually in that country. That’s right. And you’re saying that our family stays together no matter where we’re at. Okay, you guys I’m curious who knows the answer. Raise your hand. What is a third culture kid? Okay, that was fast. Both of them raised their hands really fast. Yours is up first Bailey. What’s your answer? What’s a third culture kid?

Bailey: Uh. Third culture kids?

Sundae: You know what that is?

Bailey: Yes. Uh. Jasper?

Sundae: Okay. Should we let your brother answer it? What do you think it is honey?

Jasper: When you live in different cultures and you visit places a lot.

Sundae: Right! Very good you guys. So third culture kids are kids that are living in a country that are not the same as their passport country from their parents. Great job you guys.”

All right, those guys are so stinking cute. I actually asked them if they wanted to come back on next Expat Happy Hour recently and my now 12 year old was like, “Nah, I’m good.” Okay so that gave you a little glimpse into who I am with my boys right and a little bit about my family, which I’m pretty protective of to be honest.

But then in episode 53, I gave you a glimpse of some of my best friends. Episode 53 is what friends and family really think about you living abroad. And instead of telling you that, I asked my friends, and they shared their perspective. Here is a glimpse of what they said and some of it, I was so moved. I didn’t expect what they had to say:

“Sundae: What do you really think about me living abroad?

Friend one: Looks pretty cool. Quite jealous I have to say. Wish I could do it. Yeah, very jealous, very jealous.

Friend two: Okay. So what do I really think of it? I guess I really just think that’s how it is. You know, it’s been quite some time.

That you have lived abroad now, and I know that the decisions that you have made yourself in that you’ve made with your family, you know helps you to continue to live your lives the way that you want to. And it just feels right and I’m glad that you’re living the way that you want to and choose to live.

Friend three: I think it’s exciting and adventurous and I just think it’s really cool. I have always known that you love traveling and I think it just kind of fits you perfectly. At times I get nervous for you like when you lived in an area that wasn’t very safe. But I know you’ve got a great head on your shoulders and you’ve got a wonderful family and I believe you have some good friends there, though I don’t know any of them. But anyway, I’m super happy for you, living abroad.”

Okay, so we’ve looked at my kids, some of my best friends, and I even gave you a glimpse of the wild side of the Bean family by sharing a little detail about a concert that I had in the works with my 70 year old parents in episode 110, Grand Gestures:

“Sometimes you need to go out of your way and make a grand gesture and I’m doing that this week by rocking up to a Bob Seger concert with my siblings and my Mama and Papa halfway around the world. I can’t wait. I have no idea if jet lag will be on my side or not and whether rum and coke will be my friend or my foe. But I can’t wait to celebrate with my family in this grand gesture celebrating an amazing couple, a symbol of love for 50 years.

My parents are turning 70 and they’re taking their kids to this rock concert. These are people that I admire so much. I love how they live. My father’s philosophy is life is for the living. I mean the guy who’s 70 and goes to Lady Gaga on his birthday is a good example of that, right? They taught me how to love the crap out of my people and now I’m sharing that with you.”

So there you go. There’s a lot of ways that you can help your people get to know you, but these are some ways that you can help them get to know you and add value at the same time. So for you, if you’re working with clients or you’re a coach or you want to reach people in the global mobility space, think about ways that you can help them get to know you. Give a glimpse of your life and give value at the same time.

Okay. Now we’re going to shift to the second one, which is the like factor. And again, this is not like, “Do you like me do you think I’m nice?” It’s more about, is there an alignment? Is there a chemistry? Do we have shared values? And that’s really important because when you work with someone you work with a whole person and I also want people to know what I stand for. So in terms of this area I want to think about, do they know what you stand for?

Ask yourself, when you want to find clients, do potential clients or your audience or the people who follow you on your blog or podcast or whatever, do they know what you stand for? Because I personally want to be in alignment with people that I give my money to and that I work with, and that I trust the most intimate details of my life with. I want there to be alignment and one of the ways that you can do that is to share what you stand for.

And you can see that in Expat 188, Purpose Placebo, where I go into detail about the Expats on Purpose manifesto. Where I say what we say, “Yes,” to and what we say, “no,” to. And that is a great way for clients to see, “Hey, do I resonate with these messages?” Here’s a little glimpse:

“All right, so we’re going to start with the Expats on Purpose manifesto, it’s really simple. There are things that we say “no” to and things we say “yes” to, so get comfortable, maybe even grab a pen and paper or your laptop and take notes. What areas resonate for you, which areas help you feel like it’s more on purpose, more in line with your intentions, a place where you’re ready to flirt with making an impact.

Here we go. Number one. We say no to ignoring your priorities and yes to claiming your priorities.

Mmm, does that sound delicious, claiming your priorities if that’s it, then you can go ding ding ding. You’ve got something that is hot on the tracks to go under the umbrella of purpose for you.”

Okay, so some other examples where I want to make sure that people aren’t in alignment or understand where I stand, again the wolves howl to share their location. So ways that I have shared my location is through episode 197, Dual-Career Couples, where it’s very clear in our conversation with Yvonne from the World Bank that we can do better. That if we want to support dual-career couples, we need to make sure there’s equity in the relationship and we need to advocate for what we want.

In episode 182, Impressionable Young Minds with Jasmine Cochran, we talked about how important it is to look at the curriculum in international schools so that we can fight racist attitudes. So that fuller histories can be shared. That people aren’t excluded from the history that is being taught. So definitely clear on where I stand there, as well as episode 146, Hidden Hierarchies in International Schools with Danau Tanu saying, “Hey, let’s stop this belief or this myth that all international schools are just Kumbaya and we’re a post-racial society,” saying, ”No, to these hierarchies and the dynamics that are going on between the Global North and the Global South are still happening inside our very own international schools.”

Let’s take a look at it within ourselves and within our structures. So a way you can do that is share what you believe in, invite people into your blogs, into your podcast or whatever you’re doing to help people understand where you stand, and your pack will follow.

The third one is trust. This one I have a hunch, if I’m really honest, when I were to ask people who were coaching to do this, they might feel the most hesitant about and that is around, how do you develop trust? It’s around demonstrating results. Okay, you can demonstrate results in a lot of ways. So for example, if you’re a coach, how can you demonstrate results? You can share testimonials, right? Do you ask permission of your clients to share testimonials?

Explicitly or anonymously so that people can trust you. “Hey, that person got results, maybe I will,” are you willing to demonstrate results live? Can you coach someone in a live session and let others be part of that so they can watch you do what you do? What are you doing in your own business to demonstrate results? I always say this to my kids, “Show me don’t tell me,” right? And this is what I do, also, when I do Year of Transformation.

When I talk to people about the program I say, “Don’t listen to a thing I say. Here, check out these nine women who’ve done it and what they’ve said about it.” And I have podcasts where clients have agreed to come on and they share their journey and they share their stories. And I’ve also done live coaching, where in episode 150 Job Hunter Wasteland or episode 136, The Sad Tagalong Spouse. I’ve captured coaching with permission of the client and I’ve shared that on the podcast so people can see what they’re getting into.

I am so serious, for those of you who want to find clients, if you follow these three things, really showing up, allowing people to know you. Showing up, allowing people to, the people who like your messages, the people who like where you stand to see that and showing people that they can trust you. This will have a massive impact on your business. That clients will come to you because you’ve done all of the right work for them to feel safe and look forward to working with you.

Now, this is just the beginning. I teach how you can find and share your voice in my program Expat Coach Coalition. The doors are open actually right now. So if you want more, if you want to go deeper on how you can find and share your voice. If you want me by your side to help you untangle this and then how do you implement that into your messages and create a communication plan, and find your ideal people, that is something you would definitely find value from. So go ahead and apply for Expat Coach Coalition if that resonates with you and we can connect. Hop on the phone and I’ll get your questions answered.

All right, y’all I am on fire today! This is so important to me and in the next episode, episode 200! Which I’m really excited about, we’re going to talk about another way you can find clients and that is through consistency.

I’m also going to give you behind the scenes on how I have been able to come up with podcasts for 200 consecutive weeks in a row. So stay tuned for that. If you are not already signed up for Expat Coach Secrets, don’t miss it. Because I am sharing more strategies on what I’m doing exactly with my clients, and from the business side, I’ve invited graduates of Expat Coach Coalition as well to share their insight. And all of that is part of what you get in a much deeper way from the program Expat Coach Coalition. So don’t miss it!

You’ve been listening to Expat Happy Hour with Sundae Schneider-Bean, thank you for listening. I am going to leave you with the words of Austin Kleon: “The only way to find your voice is to use it.”

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