Appreciating the Family We’ve Been Given

Insight of the Week

Parashat Ki-Tavo begins with the mitzvah of bikkurim – the requirement that a farmer bring the first of his fruits that ripen each year to the Bet Ha'mikdash , and present them as a gift to a kohen . The Torah commands, ובאת אל הכהן אשר יהיה בימים ההם – "You shall come to the kohen who will be in those days." Rashi explains that the Torah adds the words אשר יהיה בימים ההם – "who will be in those days" – to teach us אין לך אלא כהן שבימיך כמו שהוא – "all you have is the kohen in your times, the way he is." A person should bring his bikkurim to the kohen who is there in his time, even if this kohen is not of the same caliber as a kohen of a previous generation. Rashi makes a similar comment earlier in Sefer Devarim (17:9), in reference to the Torah's command that one bring his difficult Torah questions אל השופט אשר יהיה בימים ההם – "to the judge who will be in those days." In that context, too, Rashi explains that the Torah is emphasizing that even if the judge is not as great as the judges of earlier generations, אין לך אלא שופט שבימיך – "all you have is the judge who is in your times." The Ramban raises the question of how Rashi applies this to the context of bikkurim . After all, the kohen simply receives the bikkurim . He does not need to be wise, scholarly, or righteous. When it comes to judges and halachic scholars, it's understandable that one might be reluctant to bring his halachic question to a rabbi who is less impressive than the Rabbis of yesteryear. But why would a person feel this way about his bikkurim ? The answer given is that when a person gives something to someone, he wants to feel good about the recipient. A farmer is bringing the first fruits, which he worked very hard to produce, to give them as a gift to a kohen . If he sees that the kohanim in his generation aren't quite on the same level as the kohanim of earlier generations, he might feel uneasy about presenting them with this gift. The Torah therefore tells him, אין לך אלא כהן שבימיך כמו שהוא – all you have is the kohen in your time. These are the kohanim you have been given, so appreciate them, and support them. This is something which is relevant when it comes to family members. Many people, if not all of us, have issues with somebody in the family, or with several members of the family. It could be a spouse, a parent, a child, a sibling, a parent-in-law or a child-in-law. They think, "If only he wouldn't do that," or, "If only she wouldn't be weird in that way," or, "If only he wouldn't talk like that," or, "If only she didn't act this way." People seem to always be complaining about someone, or more than one person, in their family. We need to remember, אין לך אלא כהן שבימיך כמו שהוא – these are the family members that Hashem gave us. Yes, they aren't perfect, just like we ourselves aren't perfect, and just like all people on earth aren't perfect. Yes, they're a little weird in some way, just like we ourselves are weird is some way, and all people on earth are weird in some way. We have to accept them and love them for who they are. אין לך אלא כהן שבימיך כמו שהוא . The Gemara in Masechet Hulin (58b) tells what appears to be a very peculiar story about two small flies. The female fly got angry at the male fly, and stayed away from the male for seven years. The reason it was angry is because it once saw the male fly suck blood from a person, and did not inform the female fly so she could also have some blood. The Gemara questions how this could have happened, given that this was a special species of fly that lives only for a single day. How could the female fly have separated from the male fly for seven years, if they lived for only one day? The Gemara answers that the "seven years" refers to שני דידהו – their "years." Meaning, this refers to just a short while, the amount of time proportional to seven years in the life of a human being. What is the meaning of this seemingly bizarre story? One Rabbi explained that the Gemara here is talking not about one-day flies, but about us. So many families are torn apart over nonsense, just like this pair of flies. So many siblings are not on speaking terms because of some silly fight, because somebody got offended by something that the other person did. And if only they realized that they live for just "one day," that life is shorter than it appears, they wouldn't have made an issue out of it. Let us try to appreciate the family we've been given, the people we are blessed to have in our lives, flawed and imperfect as they may be. Instead of complaining, let us be grateful for everyone we have around us, and work to strengthen and enhance these relationships as best we can.