Step Inside and SEE ... the Dog with the HUMAN FACE!

Journos

Conspiracy abounds in this episode! We consider the not-so-secret breeding programs of the elite, who have for centuries manipulated the very laws of genetics themselves to produce ... cuddly-wuddly faces that you could JUST PINCH AND PINCH AND PINCH UNTIL THEY HAUL YOU AWAYYY

Yes. This episode is about dogs. Specifically, America's newest number One dog — the French Bulldog. The Frenchie toppling the 31-year-reign of the Labrador Retriever received the kind of media treatment you'd imagine, a lot of it with the ALL-CAPS enthusiasm of the American Kennel Club's own press release (stop yelling, jeez). But look closely and you'll see everyone dancing, lightly or not, over the wheezing, snoring facts of overbreeding.

Not us, though. We look the uncomfortable truth of designer breeding right in its eerily human eyes and wonder whether we're trying to build a better Good Boy ... or letting our hubris carry us where even nature knows better than to go.

From plastic rocks to engineered pets, this week, we look at the lifestyle choices of the Anthropocene human. If there was ever an episode that could get away with peeing on your rug, it's this one. Help us squeeze its face SQUEEZE ITS FACE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE AGHHHH

NOTES & EPHEMERA

New rocks, new tricks // The deeply strange history of the French Bulldog // Guest-starring Toulouse-Lautrec // Genetics-wise, there's no turning back for the bulldog // But them dogs are money makers! // Health problems and all // Including that their heads are too big for their, ahem, birth canals // Which is part of why Norway banned bulldog breeding // (Though Brandon suspects it's a conspiracy to raise the profile of the Norwegian Lundehund) // Australia also considers a breeding ban // A TV doctor confronts the fact that we're making dogs look like people // Which, let's consider the weird psychology of liking things that look like us, per a 2018 study // And which causes all kinds of social problems // Dogs as the real social network // "Dogonomics"

NEWS CLIPS

• Good Morning America
• NBC Nightly News
• Westminster Kennel Club
• Fox 26 Houston

MUSIC & FX

• Bach's Minuet
• Drumroll
• Fanfare