[PODCAST 243]: 5 Mistakes I Made When Trying to Do Too Much

Learn | Do | Become

Are you the kind of person who always feels busy? Like you’re jumping from thing to thing, and there’s never enough time? Does the concept of relaxing with family and friends feel like a dream that will never happen?

(And maybe you’re not…maybe you’re like my sister who is really relaxed about things. If that’s the case, perhaps this podcast will help you understand the people in your life who are like that.)

I’m simply here to help you to be more calm, if that’s not your natural inclination, and I’m doing this by sharing five mistakes (or life lessons) that have made a difference for me.

Mistake #1: I used to think my value could be measured.

Imagine two people standing side by side. I used to think that there were a series of metrics that determined each person’s composite “value.” So in order to increase my value, I did a lot of things. (Because, you know, people who do a lot of things and check off a lot of tasks, are more valuable, right?) But that just left me feeling exhausted.

There’s an amazing Facebook Live video with Dr. David Burns and Mike Christensen that changed my perspective in a big way, so I’m linking to it below–and there’s an option to get my personal notes on their 2-hour conversation in the links below, as well.

I’ve learned that there isn’t a metric when it comes to determining our value, and I’ve learned that there are awesome benefits to being normal and average. Here’s one example of how I’ve changed. In the past, if I was going to a party, but I didn’t “look good,” I felt stressed and wouldn’t go unless I felt totally put together. Now, I still get ready, but I don’t worry if I’m having a bad hair day or if I just woke up from a nap and my makeup is smudged. I just spend a few minutes doing what I can to look nice (to show my respect to those coordinating the event), but I’m not worried about being judged.

Maybe that’s obvious to you, but it was big to me.

Mistake #2: I thought it was wrong for me to be happy if anything was wrong in the world.

Therefore, keeping myself busy and overwhelmed prevented me from being “too happy,” which therefore made me “selfish.”

One day, I was walking in the hills with Eric and Sunny (our dog), and I thought, “Wow, I feel so happy right now.” But I immediately gave myself a list of things to worry about so I wouldn’t feel that way for too long.

Now I know that being happy, healthy, and calm enables me to serve. My heart is geared toward alleviating suffering, and I can’t do everything, but I can play my small part.

Mistake #3: I used to push my anxiety onto others so they would do more, too.

I think perhaps I saw other people as an extension of me, so if my family members or team members were really busy, that showed that I was also “successfully busy.”

Back in 2021, I think I was at the height of my anxiety. Covid had doubled our business, we had a really big team and lots of projects, and I was working a lot of hours–in addition to managing a lot things around the home with our children. Our oldest daughter, Alia, was working with me on one specific project that was causing a lot of stress, and I remember one day–shortly after she’d had a surgery on her foot–I was telling her how I needed her to move faster and get more work done. I still remember that scene because she was in the process of climbing our basement stairs on her hands and knees to get up to the main floor while wearing her boot/walking cast, and there I was–putting more pressure on her.

We can finally laugh about that. I have apologized, and she has forgiven me. But I will never do that again. We can plan in advance, keep things simple, and put our humanity first.

Mistake #4: I used to believe projects and tasks were more important than my health.

I convinced myself that others would suffer if I didn’t work myself to the bone. I didn’t want to just burn the candle at both ends. I wanted to burn it in the middle, as well.

One day, probably 8 years ago, I was doing WAY too much, and I remember I was sitting on my bed with my legs outstretched. As I looked down at my legs, I saw that both of them were covered with stress rashes from my knees down to my ankles. Even though I knew they were from stress, I didn’t think I had another option.

In hindsight, I would have told myself that I needed to identify what was most important–and then have those hard conversations I was putting off (because I thought I would upset people).

Mistake #5: I used to think if I didn’t work myself to the bone to alleviate suffering, then I failed at my God-given stewardship.

This one was probably the most painful for me. It took me some time and professional coaching to figure out that I actually believed that. But now I know that I can choose the few things that I feel are most important, and I can take that list to God, and then I can move forward with confidence that I am making choices that reflect my values.

I do move slower on a lot of things now, and some of my external metrics have taken a hit, but I’ve learned that it is important to move at a pace that works. Over time, I believe things will turn out.

This hasn’t been an easy podcast to record, but I think it’s important to share how we’ve learned from our past so others don’t need to experience that same pain.

More links are below, if you want to go deeper on this topic or work with us at a closer level here at LearnDoBecome! And please share any additional insights/lessons you’ve learned in the comments. It’s amazing when we can benefit from one another.

xoxo

April

Related Links!

Facebook Live (Including the High School Reunion Example) with David Burns and Mike Christensen

My NOTES from the above Facebook Live!

Podcast: “I’m Busy, Exhausted, and Stuck with a Long List. How Do I NOT Feel Like a Failure?” — ARISE Member Training with Mike Christensen

Podcast: Ready to Declutter Your Emotions?

LearnDoBecome YouTube Channel!

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