Left Out?

Living Emunah By Rabbi David Ashear

One of the very difficult parts of life is when a person feels left out, when everybody else seems to have or get what he doesn't. He wonders why he has to be different. He doesn't feel like he did something so wrong to deserve less than everyone else. Seeing everyone enjoying themselves while he is left out adds to his sadness. If all of a girl's friends have gotten married and she is the only one left single, or if all of a person's friends and relatives are raising children while he and his wife are still childless, or if all of a person's friends and relatives have the ability to support themselves with dignity while he feels like a poor beggar—these scenarios are very difficult to deal with. If the person is able to strengthen himself and say, "I believe b'emunah shelema that Hashem is giving me the best possible circumstance to be in for my benefit," and truly feel that what he has is good, that would make him so great. Because this is so difficult to do, it is so valuable. Hashem does give every single person exactly what he needs to fulfill his purpose in this world. If he fulfills his role happily, he will be happy in both worlds. When Rav Shach, zt"l, was younger, he learned in a yeshiva with the most outstanding boys in Lithuania. He himself was among the top boys in the entire yeshiva. It was accepted at that time that whoever had a reputation of being a top learner would get a shidduch who would provide for all of his future expenses, including a home. When Rav Shach got engaged, he came back to the yeshiva, and the other boys asked him what he got. He said, "I got a great shidduch from a great family." Then they asked him, "What about a house?" Rav Shach answered, "My future father-in-law is very poor and can't afford one." His friends couldn't believe what he was saying. He was the best boy out there and could easily get any girl or any family he wanted. They felt it wasn't proper for his kavod to marry into a poor family. Rav Shach told them he knew he got the best shidduch. " אשה יראת ה' היא תתהלל —a woman who has yirat Shamayim is the most praiseworthy Marriage is not about money. It's about the best girl who wants to live a life of avodat Hashem." They tried to convince him to at least obligate his father-in-law to put in a certain amount of money towards a house. Rav Shach refused that as well. He said, "He can't afford it, and I will not pressure him to do something that he is not capable of doing." Rav Shach got married and began building a home of kedusha and tahara. It was extremely difficult for them to afford their expenses, especially a place to live. They ended up renting a very small one-room apartment while all of his friends had very large, nice places to live in, with all of their financial responsibilities taken care of freeing their minds to concentrate only on their learning. Rav Shach never regretted his decision for a moment. Sometime later, World War II broke out, and the enemy was quickly approaching the area in which they lived. Those people who had nice homes found it too difficult to just get up and abandon them. Rav Shach, however, didn't waste a minute. He and his family quickly fled the country and moved to Israel. Lo ale מ u, his friends did not make it out on time. It must have been extremely difficult for Rav Shach to live in poverty, especially when all of his friends had it so great, and he could have easily gotten the same. He saw later how, precisely because he didn't have wealthy in-laws, he was able to survive. He eventually became the Gadol Ha ג or, influencing his entire generation. It is very difficult to not have what others do, but we must understand Hashem has a different plan for every person, and everything that happens is always exactly the way it's supposed to.