003: Barbed Wire Mommy

How To Be a Terrible Daughter

In this episode, Elizabeth and Megan explore the intricate world of attachment wounds, particularly those etched by the icy touch of narcissistic parents. We examine the critical concept of "mirroring" in infancy and the long-term effects these formative experiences have on our adult lives. We’re going to unpack how early relationships—or the lack thereof—set the stage for a lifetime of complicated emotional navigation. With scientific studies and personal stories, we shed light on the challenges of growing up under the cold gaze of caregivers more akin to wire monkeys than warm humans. Come along as we wade through these emotional undercurrents—it's like therapy, but with more jokes and fewer copays.

We’re so happy to be here together with each other and with you. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop, and we would love for you to connect with us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or send us an email, [e-mail]!

What We Cover In This Episode:

• What attachment is in general and what we’d like you to understand about the concept of “mirroring” as a baby [4:51]

• A classic study using monkeys that revealed the importance of maternal contact and reinforces what we are talking about on today’s episode about attachment [13:07]

• The ways in which having a narcissistic parent is a lot like having a wire monkey parent [17:13]

• What the science shows about the issues you can have as an adult after facing this sort of trauma from an early age [18:03]

• Two metaphors that accurately describe what it’s like to grow up in this sort of situation [28:12]

• Megan’s “Mini Crazy Mom Off” and a story about her mother and playdates that impacted the way that she saw herself as a child [34:39]

• Elizabeth’s “Mini Crazy Mom Off” and what it led to in terms of how they viewed the material things they possess [46:09]

• A time this week we were triggered and the simple tools we used to bring ourselves back to feeling more secure and safe [54:46]

Links & Resources:

https://www.psychologicalscience.org/publications/observer/obsonline/harlows-classic-studies-revealed-the-importance-of-maternal-contact.html

https://www.thechatner.com/p/wire-mother-energy-drink

https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-article/creating-secure-attachment