169. Normal "Narcissim"

The Reconnection Club Podcast

Is your estranged adult child a narcissist? Probably not. But they might still exhibit some narcissistic traits – just like the rest of us.

In the interest of bringing compassion and understanding to the highly emotional topic of estrangement, Tina outlines the difference in this episode between “normal” narcissism and the clinical version, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Other explanations can account for behavior that may seem narcissistic, and Tina offers 7 alternatives for your consideration.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) describes NPD as possessing at least five of the following nine criteria.

Importantly, these must appear not just in relation to certain people or in certain situations, but in a variety of settings, and consistently: - A grandiose sense of self-importance (exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements) - Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love - Believing that they are "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions) - Requiring excessive admiration - A sense of entitlement (unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations) - Being interpersonally exploitative (taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends) - Lacking empathy (unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others) - Often being envious of others or believing that others are envious of them - Showing arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Note how high the bar is for a clinical diagnosis of narcissism. According to experts, expressing even four of the above -- or five or more but only in certain conditions, or only occasionally -- is not sufficient to label someone a narcissist!

Let’s cut ourselves and each other some slack.

EPISODE LINKS:

RC Podcast Episode 40: When an Adult Child Seems Emotionally Immature

Members can discuss this episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join. Check out Tina’s book, Reconnecting with Your Estranged Adult Child.