Don’t obsess over the ex.

Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents

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Yesterday I talked about how we don’t need anyone else’s approval to move forward as a stepfamily. This goes double or maybe triple or maybe exponentially times a million for not needing approval from your partner’s ex.

I know on some level, wanting the ex to sign off on your presence in your partner & stepkid’s life kind of seems like the respectful thing to do. I absolutely felt that way myself, like well once Dan’s ex sees all the benefits I can bring to her kid’s life, then she’ll stop being so mad all the dang time. In reality though, I was giving someone else an inappropriate amount of power over my relationship, my family, and my future.

My own kid has had stepmoms and I can tell you that a normal person does actually appreciate what an outsider can bring to their child’s life. Having one more person who loves your kid and keeps an eye out for them can only be a good thing. If your partner’s ex doesn’t agree — well, you don’t need them to. 🤷🏻‍♀️

So don’t let the ex rent free space in your head. You & your partner have EVERY RIGHT to be in each other’s lives, to run your relationship and your home as you wish without bending backwards to make sure the ex is happy with all your decisions. And if the ex is unhappy, that is not your problem to solve — nor is it your fault. Their reactions are about themselves, not about you. xo

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