S3E3: Knowing That You Are Enough Featuring Adrienne “Gam” Norris

Couched in Color

In this third episode of Couched in Color, Dr. Alfiee goes deep with guest Adrienne Banfield Norrris, better known as “Gammy” or “Gam” from Red Table Talk, a popular talk show with candid conversations among three generations of Black women.

Gam is the mother of Jada Pinkett Smith, mother-in-law of Will Smith, and grandmother to Willow who is also on the show.

She courageously talks about living through addiction, continuously battling low self-esteem, not feeling good enough, and dealing with fame. Even now, as she appears visibly confident on so many platforms–from her own podcast to TV–she admits she still has great nervousness and anxiety when on stage.

She shares how “I shrink, lose my voice,” noting her anxiousness when at a recent live event about her appearance on Black Love TV Series, now in its final season on OWN network:

“How that feels, the physical way it manifests, that nervousness, anxiety, I get sick on my stomach, I kind of go blank, overthink things and feel nauseous…all of that is real feelings and, if you’re Black in America, you’re dealing with mental health challenges.”

Dr. Alfiee: “What I love about what you do is you are so honest and open about your own experiences…I think it’s really hard for people to talk about ever having had a struggle with addiction and low self-esteem…especially for those of us who are Black women. We are just beat up in so many ways. I don’t care what your background is…you’re out there looking glamorous and beautiful and sitting at the Red Table, you, Jada and Willow, being so beautiful.”

–“I tell people a lot, I have to manage my own anxiety.”

GIVING OTHERS SPACE TO “BE” ENOUGH

Gam shares that even though she always felt loved and heard as a child, she felt pressure to meet her parents’ high expectations, which she believes could be part of her low self-esteem. She met those expectations, graduating magna cum laude ”full-on addiction.”

Dr. Alfiee: “Your daughter and son-in-law really give their kids space to fully express themselves…to let them know ‘You are a fully realized human being…so just go out there and be great,’ and I don’t know how many of us get that.”

Gam: “It was your parents’ way or the highway, all these rules to follow.”

Dr. Alfiee: “My mom always said, baby, there is nothing you can’t do…I always felt someone pushing behind me.”

“Even when kids are successful, you were a successful high achieving kid, if you feel like there

is a bar, you reach that bar, and there’s another bar to follow, and you are never able to rest in the knowledge that who you are and what you do is enough. And I feel like a lot of us struggle with that…that we’re not enough.”

Gam: “When you’re in a Black community and you have everyday struggles, it’s like listen girl, put on your big girl panties.’’

“You have to be careful with how you handle people, and allow people their journey and their space.”

Dr. Alfiee: “If a person is spiritual, it’s not us, so if we interfere with that person’s journey, what lessons are we preventing them from learning by trying to rush in and fix everything.” She quoted an interview she recently heard about how “Things don’t happen to you, they happen for you,” which she says profoundly changed her thinking.

Dr. Alfiee: “I don’t ever want to be late. When you’re Black and a woman, in the workplace, you don’t want to mess up, because your mess ups feel like they are the worst mess ups in the world. Other people can mess up but I can’t mess up.”

CHALLENGES OF FAME:Gam: “I’m always being observed so I can’t always be my authentic self…I’m a representative of our family.”

“You wonder about people who want to know you, is it really for you or is it for the fame?” (acknowledging even those without fame can struggle with that same question about why people want to get to know you).

“Somebody always wants something from you, but it’s all good. Where I would be if people didn’t enjoy what I was sharing. It’s a privilege, which keeps me humble and grateful.”

Dr. Alfiee: “One thing I struggle with is people feeling entitled to proximity…like you should call me back, be present to me because I support you, you should give me your time. I try to manage my anxiety telling me I should respond, to go do this, just because someone asks. It helps me to practice mindfulness, and come back to the present. Just be here now and then I can make clear decisions.”

Follow Adrienne "Gam" Norris:

Positively Gam (Podcast): https://linktr.ee/gammynorris

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gammynorris

Red Table Talk:https://redtabletalk.com

Positively GAM Podcast:

https://linktr.ee/gammynorris

Black Love TV Series (final season) Saturdays at 10 p.m. on OWN:

https://www.oprah.com/app/black-love.html

Follow Dr. Alfiee:

Website: https://dralfiee.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dralfiee

Twitter: https://twitter.com/dralfiee

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dralfiee/

Website at https://dralfiee.com

Find out more about the AAKOMA Project here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvTKmYKi24I

Season 3 Produced By: https://socialchameleon.us

More Couched in Color: https://dralfiee.com/podcast

Music Produced by: Mark “King” Batson (Superproducer of your favorite artists and Grammy award-winner for albums with Eminem and Beyoncé)