054: Opening Up to Conscious Non-Monogamy with Jessica Esfandiary

Desire on Fire

Our culture often tells one story about how relationships are “supposed” to look. It can be hard for us to feel into possibilities beyond the traditional cultural understanding of monogamy.

Non-monogamy is often portrayed as selfish, or as one partner caving to the wishes of the other — like the trope of the woman who begrudgingly agrees to a threesome so her man won’t leave her.

So it’s understandable that many couples reject exploring outside-the-box desires, because it can feel uncomfortable and even threatening.

Our guest today has come to challenge these inaccurate assumptions, and to shine an honest light on the realities, challenges, and beautiful expansions that ethical non-monogamy can bring to loving, committed relationships.

Jessica Esfandiary and her husband Pasha have been married for 8 years and together for almost a decade. Most of those years have been spent cultivating a safe and reverent open/polyamorous partnership — including inviting Jessica’s current female partner into their relationship.

As a coach and host of the Open Late podcast, today Jessica is a curator of brave spaces for people to own their power and awaken to their most expansive selves. She helps couples create designer relationships with truth, vulnerability, intimacy, and play.

If you’ve ever been non-monagamy-curious, have taboo desires you’ve never expressed, or are ready to have your assumptions about non-monogamy confronted — then you’re gonna love today’s episode!

What you’ll learn in this episode:

• Jessica and Pasha’s journey to an open relationship and how they make it work
• The many variations of non-monogamy — and why it doesn’t always have to be about sex
• The power of allowing your relationship(s) to change
• Why “jealousy” can be a lazy reason to not explore non-monogamy — and why it pays to dig deeper
• The honest challenges Jessica and Pasha have faced and how they dealt with them
• How to start the conversation with your partner if you’re interested in exploring new ways of relating

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

Connect with jessica:

Insta: https://www.instagram.com/journey.with.jessica

Web: https://www.jessicaesfandiary.com/

Take the Relationship Style Quiz: https://www.jessicaesfandiary.com/whats-your-relationship-style

Books mentioned:

Pussy: a Reclamation

Untrue

Sex at Dawn