63 Why Some Kids Struggle with Losing

Kids with Big Emotions Formerly Calm Nights, Strong Days

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In This Episode We Will Dive into:

• "Some kids get extremely upset over losing, even when winning 80% of the time."
• "These kids often hyperfocus on the 20% losses and can't see the wins."

In this episode, Andi Clark explores why some children struggle intensely with losing, even when they win most of the time. The discussion covers understanding this challenge, the impact on children's behavior, and practical strategies for parents to help their kids manage these emotions.

Key Points Discussed:

Understanding the Struggle:

• Many children get extremely upset over losing, even if they win 80% of the time.
• These kids often hyperfocus on their losses (20%) and fail to acknowledge their wins.
• As a result, they may avoid competitions, games, and sports to escape the possibility of losing.

Parental Frustration:

• Parents often struggle to understand why their child gets upset despite winning frequently.
• Without understanding the child's perspective, it's challenging to provide effective support.

Strategies for Helping:

• Co-Regulation Handbook:
• Introducing structured steps to help children shift their focus from losses to wins.
• Reframing losses and highlighting positive outcomes can help alter their perspective.
• Collaborative vs. competitive games: Start with games that involve teamwork and gradually introduce competitive elements.
• Example: Playing tic-tac-toe with a partner who is a good sport about losing.

Step-by-Step Approach:

• Breaking down tasks (like learning to bake a cake or ride a bike) into manageable steps.
• Ensure children master basic steps before tackling bigger challenges.

Caution:

• Be aware of words/situations that might trigger a loss-focused mindset.
• Intentionally reinforce positives and wins with specific examples.
• Rephrase requests to be more positive and collaborative.
• Aim to shift the child's perspective from focusing on losses to appreciating wins.

LInk Mentioned https://www.collaborationlaboratory.com/

Mentioned in this episode:

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