60. How to De-escalate Your Teen When It’s “Your Fault”

Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment

But Beth, how can I de-escalate my teen when they’re blaming me for something I’ve actually done?

It was one of my clients asking me this the other day. And I know she’s not alone, hearing things like:

“My basketball career is ruined because you sent me to treatment”
“I’m losing my friends because you don’t allow me to use my phone”

And yes, you DID send them to treatment. And you DID take their phone. But does that really mean it’s your fault? (Spoiler alert: often it’s not)

In today’s episode, Seth and I discuss how to handle tough situations like this. As you hear in our conversation, we make an important distinction between facts and emotions. Because the fact is, you did send them to treatment. But does that make it your fault that their basketball career is ruined? I don’t think so.

In this episode on de-escalating your teen when it’s “your fault”, we discuss:

• Owning the facts, not the story;
• The impact of justifying and defending yourself;
• Regulating yourself no matter what you’re teen is doing;
• Revisiting the conversation after taking a pause;
• How do you know when you’re regulated enough to discuss something?;
• And more!

If you’d like to connect, you can find me on Instagram (@bethhillmancoaching) or go to my website www.bethhillmancoaching.com. And if you’re interested in working with me, you can learn more about my private coaching here or my group coaching here.

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

- - - - - - - - - -

Ps. Are you getting great value out of this podcast? It would mean the world to me if you could leave a review on Apple Podcasts. This way, you will help me reach and help more parents of struggling teens develop healthy responses and boundaries instead of acting out of fear and anxiety. You can leave a review by clicking here, scrolling to the bottom, tapping to leave a star rating and then write your review. Thanks so much!

And if you haven’t already done so, make sure to subscribe to our show so you don’t miss any of my future episodes!

I'd love to hear from you! Click here to easily send me a quick message and make my day!