What’s the Difference Between a Boundary and Ultimatum?

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The word ‘boundary’ is coming up a lot, especially in pop psychology, that it can become overused or even weaponized by the wrong people. We keep thinking about boundaries, but what does that actually mean and are we indeed using (and acting) on this term correctly?

When it comes to setting boundaries, do you continuously get upset that people are violating them or simply just not respecting you in the process? This might be a time to reconsider how you set your boundaries. Now, this advice or suggestion is very context-dependent. It’s difficult to give a blanket statement that you need to cut people out of your life or even set an ultimatum if you feel like these boundaries are not being met.

However, there is a difference between a boundary with no consequence vs. a boundary with consequence. If you feel constantly disrespected, it might be because you’re setting boundaries with no consequences. Keep in mind, this is completely different to setting an all-or-nothing ultimatum.

It is necessary to communicate your limits, but with ultimatums, you’re backing people into a corner and forcing them to ‘be on your side’. This is necessary if they truly deserve it, but it usually means if they don’t play along, then they will no longer have access to you. This is different from a boundary with consequences. If your boundary has been disrespected, you have the ability to change the dynamic you have with that person and still be civil/in contact.

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