SGR 095: Integrating Sexual Fantasies into Your Relationship with Dr. Justin Lehmiller

The Simply Great Relationships Podcast: Love | Marriage | Sex | Communication | Dating Advice

Everyone has sexual fantasies.

People generally feel shame about their fantasies and think they’re “weird” or uncommon. Research shows that having and exploring sexual fantasies and talking about them in the context of your relationship leads couples to have the most satisfying sex lives.

Here are a few tips to set yourselves up for success:

- Do your own work around shame by educating yourself and normalizing your fantasies
- Communicate with your partner and go through the learning curve together
- Integrate fantasy in small ways, instead of jumping into the deep end of the pool right away.

In this week’s episode, we’re talking to Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a preeminent sexual fantasy researcher, about what’s “normal,” the role of fantasy, and how we can incorporate it into couples’ sex lives. We covered the 7 most common types of fantasies, how to communicate with your partner about yours, and how incorporating fantasy can be enriching and broaden your sexual repertoire. Dr. Lehmiller’s book, Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life, is an excellent educational resource for couples looking to get started.