Always Have to Get Their Way

Why Does My Partner

Welcome back to the WDMP podcast! Rebecca is bringing the question today so that we can go deeper on the language of “power over, power under, and power with.”

We live in such a hierarchical, win-or-lose society, it's no wonder that we learn to think of power as a zero-sum game, where we compete for who has more control, more influence, more freedom to act. But when we learn to switch to power-with thinking, where power is an abundant, shared resource, all of a sudden it’s a lot more messy, a lot less black and white, but there’s room for everyone’s voice to matter, and to have something important to say.

So how do you bring this power-with viewpoint into your relationship? You guessed it, it’s about vulnerability. We’re inviting you to let go a little bit of your fear of losing power, and trust that when you empower others, it empowers you too.

Resources from this episode:

All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks

Brené Brown's TED Talk, the Power of Vulnerability

Sand Talk: How Indigenous Thinking Can Save the World by Tyson Yunkaporta

Quotes:

“The truth is power is abundant. And it can be shared and there's no reason it can't be.”

“Power-with tends towards messier conversations with less clear outcomes. Because we tend to be a little less black and white when we’re in that space. I want more of your voice in, but I want more of my voice in too, and our voices aren’t the same.”

“If [power] is finite, then it inherently ends up leading to violence, psychological and/or physical. And so if we want to be part of lessening violence in the world, shifting this thinking is really helpful.”

“The longing is to figure out power-with. But we don't even get that, oh wait, you have to change how you think about power, period. And that if you want equality, the messy gray has to be more present in your partnership.”

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider attending our upcoming workshops. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

Mentioned in this episode:

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