212: How to make the sustainable change you want to see in your family

Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

Here's a little thought exercise: think back to what you were doing this time last year, right around Mother's Day (in the U.S...I know it has already passed in other places!). What kinds of things were your children doing that were really endearing? What kinds of things were they doing that drove you up the wall? What kinds of fights (resistance, back-talk, stalling, tantrums, etc.) were you having with them a year ago? Are you still having those same fights now (or variations on them)? Do you wish you weren't still having those fights? That you could get out of the endless cycle of trying an idea you saw on Instagram, seeing a small change, and backsliding to where you were before? Do you have all the tools you need so that a year from now you can look back and know, without any shadow of a doubt, that things are different now? Today I'm going to introduce you to several parents who have made exactly this shift, and a framework you can use to make it for yourself. It's not complicated. There are only five elements to it, and when they're all in place you can make sustainable change in parenting, as well as your own personal issues, work, and anything else you like. It really is very possible to make sustainable family change in parenting happen by yourself. But all of the five elements have to be in place, and operating consistently, to make it work. Losing focus on each one of the elements creates a different outcome, none of which are good:

• Confusion
• Anxiety
• Making slow progress
• Frustration
• Being on a treadmill

If you can see already that one or more of these things are happening for you, the Parenting Membership will help you make the kind of sustainable change you want to see in your family. The first thing you'll do after you join is have a 20-minute private call with my community manager, Denise, who will see which element you're struggling with the most right now, and connect you to specific resources to help. Many of the parents who signed up this time last year are now in an entirely different place. Things like this are happening:

• Their preschoolers can use a picture-based list to accurately identify their own feelings and needs;
• Parents are recognizing how their own actions are creating shame in their children, and are working to address this;
• Parents see which parts of their co-parenting struggles are theirs to own, instead of blaming their difficulties on their co-parents;
• They can also see which parts are not theirs to own, make requests to get their needs met, and practice accepting their co-parent for who they are;
• Siblings are fighting less, because they understand each other's needs and can find strategies to meet both of their needs.

Of course these parents still have hard days...but none of them looks back on who they were a year ago and thinks: "Aside from the fact that my kids are older, I don't really know what's different now from what it was a year ago." I want this kind of sustainable family change for you, too. It's so much more than taking a short course to learn a new skill. It's a fundamentally different way of being in the world. Join the waitlist and get notified when doors reopen in May 2025. Click the image below to learn more.

Other episodes mentioned

042: How to teach a child to use manners 175: I’ll be me; can you be you? 206: How to find yourself as a parent 209: How to get on the same page as your parenting partner 210: The power of learning in community Resources mentioned: Sustainable Change Diagram

Jump to Highlights

00:56 Introducing today’s topic0 2:01 Parent Niloufar's positive transformation in parenting through the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop 08:56 Parent Lucinda, a member for five years, shares how the membership transformed her self-awareness and empathy towards others' needs. 14:21 The elements of sustainable family change in parenting: vision, skills, motivation, resources, and a plan 15:02 Understanding your family values can make parenting easier and more intentional. 21:14 Skills like managing behavior and communication help parents handle challenges. 33:10 Motivation drives positive changes and fosters resilience even in challenging situations. 36:07 Resources are vital for lasting change. The Parenting Membership helps align values with actions by making smart use of resources for meaningful progress and sustainable change. 42:10 A clear plan is essential for lasting change. It acts as a roadmap, guiding actions toward goals and ensuring alignment with values. 50:23 Invitation to the Parenting Membership 53:45 Member’s testimonials