What Do Women REALLY Want?

Mindfully Masculine: Personal Growth and Mental Health for Men

In this episode of Mindfully Masculine, Charles and Dan tackle the age-old question, "What do women really want?" through the lens of John and Julie Gottman’s acclaimed relationship guide, The Man’s Guide to Women. The hosts share actionable relationship advice for men, discussing the importance of trust, emotional attunement, and how understanding women on a deeper level can foster better relationships.

Key Topics Covered:

• Understanding Women and Avoiding Common Stereotypes:
  • Charles and Dan challenge popular stereotypes around women being "unpredictable" or "difficult to understand," emphasizing that meaningful relationships require intentionality and empathy.
• Building Trustworthiness in Relationships:
  • Women desire trustworthiness, which encompasses more than honesty. Trustworthiness involves dependability, vulnerability, and a commitment to consistency—qualities that can strengthen any partnership.
• Mastering Attunement for Deeper Emotional Connection:
  • The hosts explain the ATTUNE approach (Attend, Turn Toward, Understand, Non-defensive Listening, Empathy), a method for fostering emotional intimacy. Each step helps men create a safe and supportive space for their partners.
• Overcoming Defensiveness and Embracing Emotional Vulnerability:
  • Charles and Dan candidly share their struggles with vulnerability and how men’s fear of showing emotions can hinder relationships. They encourage listeners to view emotional openness as a strength, not a weakness.
• Breaking the Cycle of Conflict and Building Intimacy:
  • The episode covers strategies for ending cycles of conflict and withdrawal in relationships. The hosts explain that empathy and understanding, rather than a desire to "fix" things, can lead to meaningful intimacy.
• Physical Presence and Attentiveness in Relationships:
  • Small gestures—like putting away distractions, making eye contact, and offering full attention—can strengthen trust and convey emotional security to a partner.

Top Takeaways and Relationship Tips for Men:

1. Develop Trustworthiness - Consistency and honesty are key. Show up as a reliable partner by honoring commitments and staying transparent.
2. Use Attunement Techniques for Lasting Connection - Apply the ATTUNE method to connect emotionally with your partner and build a resilient relationship.
3. Prioritize Listening and Empathy Over Fixing - Women want to feel heard and understood, not necessarily "fixed." Listen actively and ask questions to show you care.
4. Be Present in the Moment - Avoid distractions like phones or TV during meaningful conversations to demonstrate respect and priority.
5. Break Cycles of Conflict with Empathy - Be the first to create emotional connection, even when it’s uncomfortable, to foster closeness and intimacy.

Memorable Quotes for Reflection:

• “Trustworthiness is about more than being truthful; it’s about showing up consistently and reliably.”
• “Attunement isn’t just about hearing words—it’s about fully engaging to make your partner feel valued and understood.”
• “Our relationships thrive when we stop focusing on fixing and start focusing on understanding.”

Additional Resources:

• The Man’s Guide to Women by John and Julie Gottman for more insights into relationship dynamics.

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1. Understanding Women (00:00:00)

2. Relationship Problems (00:14:12)

3. Effective Communication in Relationships (00:29:30)

4. Building Emotional Intelligence in Relationships (00:36:14)

5. Understanding Emotional Intelligence in Relationships (00:50:16)